Rule No.36: Don't clean your cupboards out if you're alone

I recommend the Jack the Ripper tour to EVERYONE! I feel like I have learnt so much, even if the gory details were horrific. I thought I was going to pass out at one point.

An American guy filmed the whole 1hr 45 minute tour. Would you really need to watch it again? His camera was on the end of a stick and everything. He poked it over fences and walls. 

We also saw the alley from Harry potter, which was pretty exciting.

Then we went to brick lane for a curry (we're such LADS). It was incredible, £12 for a starter, main, rice, naan and wine. Although, Sarah and I got trapped on the opposite side of the road to the curry house for ages as a ridiculous amount of bikes went past us. It was torture, we could smell the naan bread, but couldn't get to it.

On the tube home I decided to be a nice person and I woke a guy up that was sleeping so that he didn't miss his stop. I couldn't work out if he was really tired or drunk (or both), but when he woke up his eyes were bright red and he was a drunken mess. He didn't seem to be very grateful that I woke him up, and he went straight back to sleep (idiot). All of a sudden I heard some noises next to me...that's right he was sick all over himself. Vile.

Last time I try to be nice...

To make things worse when I got home I found about twenty maggots in my kitchen. I had to spend the rest of the evening bleaching everything. Then I felt really creeped out in bed, panicking that I had them crawling all over me. Errrgh. 

This morning I spent a good few hours cleaning the house and getting rid of the maggots in the kitchen. I found the culprit, they seemed to like eating my pine nuts. This was extremely annoying as they're EXPENSIVE! (good job the Scandinavian diet is on hold).

I then cleaned out the cupboard in the lounge and discovered a gorilla hand.

Later I met up with the uni girls and we went to south bank for a little walk. We also got a hot dog (no onions again, grr). Then, went to the pub for a glass of wine. Aimee took her hair out of her bun and revealed this...

Look familiar?

I'm going to a house party now so wish me boy hunting luck.

x

Rule No.35: Don't just blurt out whatever you're thinking

It's friiiiidaaaaaaay!!! 

I celebrated this morning with a chocolate croissant.

My Scandinavian diet is still on hold and I'm temporarily on the French diet.

It was my turn to finish work early today so I've come straight home (well I also bought a new top and skirt from Monki on the way) to clean my house. WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME? I should be drunk by now. 

Say that, I think I had enough wine last night. 

I went to a work quiz night. Free alcohol meant I'd already had three glasses of wine before the quiz even started. I was chatting to two directors after my third glass, and I don't know why but I was coming out with the most ridiculous things. The first thing I said to one director was 'wow, you're tall'. Luckily they both laughed. Then even more awkwardly I said to the other 'nice holiday bracelet', only to find out it's actually really expensive. (I'm terrible with jewellery...just give me something from Topshop and I'm happy). 

I genuinely thought the bracelet was something like mine...

Then the food came out. We had two platters between three of us, which meant I consumed at least 15 mini sausages (that sounds dodgy), two mini burgers and a bowl of wedges.

I then came home to find both of my housemates still out. I didn't have a key as Jade accidentally took it back to Coventry on Tuesday, so I sat on my porch for half an hour listening to my iPod. I listened to 'Rudimental - Feel The Love' for the whole 30minutes. Not sure why, but I get really obsessed with songs sometimes. Like the time I listened to 'Union J - Carry You' on repeat to and from work for a whole week. I must have listened to it over 100 times.

Tonight I'm going on the Jack the Ripper tour. I'm pretty scared as it's meant to be very frightening and I get scared pretty easily. I'll probably end up having to hold someones hand. Preferably not a strangers (unless he's fit). 

I'm going with my friends from uni as Sarah is moving to Bolivia next month. Therefore, this weekend we're going to make sure she has an amazing time. Obviously Saturday night is going to involve a lot of alcohol. 

Last time we all got together we decided what animals we would be...

Suze = penguin

Hayley = peacock 

Aimee = fluffy cat 

Sophie = horse 

Sarah = gazelle 

Emma = poodle 

Gina = lion 

I'm quite glad I'm a lion. It's mainly because of my hair, I wouldn't say I roar that much. 

Right I'm going to clean my house before I get my nappy on ready for tonight (just in case I sh*t myself).

x

Rule No.34: Don't try to take sneaky photos

The Scandinavian diet is still on hold.

I had sausage rolls and scotch eggs for dinner. It wasn't entirely my fault, I took a client out for afternoon tea at The Dean Street Townhouse. I'm pretty sure they were expecting me to order scones and mini sandwiches, so I'm hoping their excitement for the sausage rolls wasn't just to be polite. Everyone loves an sausage roll. Don't they?

I also created a new word during the meeting...

When I was telling them that I was looking forward to sorting my bedroom out, I explained that I currently have a lot of 'clatter'.

Fail.

IT'S CLUTTER, GINA!

Ah well, they found it funny and we decided to use the word a lot.

In other news, I had my last intermediate poi lesson last night. Next week I start the FIRE COURSE. Therefore, this could be the last week that I have a full head of hair. It could also be my last week that I am alive.

Talking about being alive, today I wore my Topshop top with lots of tassels on it. It nearly killed me. I got attached to EVERYTHING. The shop assistant had to even untangle me from my basket in Waitrose. (The people behind me in the checkout queue got rather impatient, I thought they were going to run at me like bulls).

On another Waitrose related note, when I was checking out the face wipes I heard a woman tell her kid off. It was the typical parent telling off, "if you don't stop doing that then..."

That's as far as the 'typical' went.

"...you won't be able to have a smoothie".

WHAT?! When I was kid I would have been like 'yea, that's fine I don't want a smoothie anyway". I mean, fair play if the kid likes smoothies, but give the poor kid some cake! (when he's not being a brat and running up and down the aisles).

On a different note, I saw Lee Mead on the tube this morning, I was sitting down and he was standing right in front of me. I could see his Calvin Klein boxers.  And, I am not going to lie, he is a pretty handsome chap. I wanted to take a picture of his boxers for you, but I was slightly worried my flash would accidentally go off, and as he was standing right above me he would have definitely been able to see my screen. I therefore decided to be safe and I just stared at the boxers instead.

The things is, I didn't want a repeat of the time I tried to take a sneaky picture of a monk in Thailand.

He turned around just as I took it.

Luckily he laughed, but I definitely looked like a crazy monk stalker. I mean, look at how close I had speedily walked up behind him so I could take it. The shame.


Date update: It was supposed to be tomorrow night, but unfortunately he needs to go to Liverpool now. Therefore, it is postponed until next week.

It's OK, I will get over it.

Night x

Rule No.33: Don't trust a hot dog man if he doesn't have onions

Well Reading Festival was pretty damn good. I now want to marry Eminem, the main guy from White Lies, the main guy from Foals, the main guy from Hadouken, and the guitarist from Fall Out Boy.

Afterall, I did win 'The Most Likely To Be A Serial Bigamist Award' in Sixth Form, so I think I should be allowed to marry them all.

I had a guest ticket for Reading courtesy of Sophie's amazing boyfriend. So we were very lucky. We had access to clean toilets, a bar with no queue, a nice seating area and access to backstage. The only problem was, my knowledge of what bands look like is TERRIBLE. I couldn't even tell you what most of my favourite bands look like (apart from Mcfly). Therefore, I was probably sharing a bench with someone from White Lies for example, and I wouldn't have known. The only people I actually recognised were Edith Bowman, Greg James and the guy from Hadouken (only because I had just watched him).

Greg James gave me a 'I know you, but can't think how' look when I was next to him at the bar. I decided not to say anything to save any embarrassment. Long story short, I met him at an awards last year...I was very drunk (I had taken advantage of the free cocktails) and kept telling him to grab my bum in a photo. He obviously declined, but I kept pestering him and he definitely thought I was pretty creepy. Therefore, last night I decided to act 'cool' and went to dance instead. Even though my dance moves were far from cool. Especially when Eminem came on, the wannabe rude girl dance moves came out.

On the Saturday we didn't eat after 3pm as we were too busy drinking wine and watching bands. Therefore, at 1am we decided to get a hot dog. First of the all the guy didn't have onions. What kind of hot dog man doesn't have onions??? Then, he put sweetcorn mayo on the hot dog (wtf?). It was odd, and the sausage was too small. Basically, I'm not sure I enjoyed it.

I was also not impressed to discover that the sweetcorn mayo contained bacon. I then moaned 'why didn't he warn us it had bacon in it? What if we were vegetarian?'. It then occurred to me that he had smothered it on a sausage.

To get back to Sophie's friends house that night we called the same taxi man that had dropped us off earlier on. He was an absolute legend, he just told us to call his mobile whenever we needed picking up on both nights, and he came within 15 minutes. The taxi queue was at least an hour long so he really did do us a favour. Therefore, you should always make friends with your taxi driver.

When we were watching Hadouken on Sunday we decided to be brave and go right near the front of the stage. OMG. What a mistake. During their first song they demanded "everyone...washing machines!". I was confused, Sophie was confused, but a load of 16 year olds knew exactly what he was on about. All of a sudden the crowd formed lots of massive circles and people were running around in them like wild boar, bashing into each other and making weird noises. Sophie and I held hands and prayed we weren't going to die. Luckily for us some teenage boys decided to look after us and therefore stopped us from getting crushed. A girl also put her arm round me to protect me. We obviously looked like very scared 'old and uncool people'.

Today I am exhausted. This burger helped though. We went to the Oakford Social Club for lunch before our journey back to London. I want to eat it AGAIN.

So good.

The Scandanavian diet is currently on hold.

I attempted to go to Notting Hill Carnival today, but I got there and it was absolutely crazy. I always forget how I actually don't really like it. I was supposed to be meeting Jade and Eve there, but due to lack of phone signal I ended up walking round on my own for an hour, so I decided to buy a curry from M&S and went home.

Luckily for me, Jade came over to mine to stay tonight, so I still got to see her anyway.

What a beauty.

Oh, I nearly forgot...I met a guy last night. I was dancing to a DJ in the guest area of Reading and I was making a bit of a tit out of myself (you can't attempt to dance like a cool person when Fatboy Slim comes on), but the guy seemed to find it funny. He's a music photographer and he's hot. Very hot. We already decided last night that we want to get married. However, looking back I'm pretty certain (hoping) that it was just drunken talk. Just like when we discussed that our babies would look South American...

Anyway, I think I have a date on Thursday.

Knowing me, it will all go wrong, but lets keep our fingers crossed.

Night x

Rule No.32: Never let people video you singing

Today I am off to Reading Festival...YAAAAAAY! 

I'm going to ignore the fact that it is currently raining. I'm still wearing a dress.

Last night I went out for my housemates birthday. We went to Graphic bar in Soho, which is full of hot men. Not that I pulled any of them, I was too busy twerking with my new best mate Sean. 

If he wasn't gay then I would definitely say that I pulled. He even invited me to have a sleepover at his, and he insisted that I was Vanessa from The Saturdays. Therefore, I love him.

I did however come across a potential fit guy on Tinder (if you don't know what Tinder is, it's an app that shows you people in your area. If you both 'like' each other then you match and you can start a conversation). I pressed like, but unfortunately he hasn't liked me back. 

On Thursday night I took the Schuh PR team out for karaoke, we went to Lucky Voice in Soho. It was so fun. We had booked a room for two hours, and we ended up extending it to four hours. We couldn't stop singing. We also couldn't stop drinking, I think I consumed about three bottles of prosecco. 

I seemed to think it was essential to wear a pink wig all night. It's funny how alcohol can make you feel like you look AMAZING when actually you like a dickhead.

This also applies to singing...I thought I was Rihanna.

This video makes me want to crawl under my bed and cry.

I also became the bouncers best mate that night. We hit it off when he asked me for I.D and I replied "oh shut up". Luckily, he found this hilarious and we became the best of friends. However, looking back, I'm slightly concerned how funny he found it...does that mean he had asked me for I.D as a joke? If so, have I got to that age now where bouncers can do this because it is so obvious that I am not underage? 

Maybe I need to start using anti ageing cream.

Say that, I'm glad I don't look like this anymore...

I came across this pic the other day. What was my mum thinking? 'Let's attach a table cloth to Gina's jumper so everyone can laugh at her'. Thanks mum. I'm surprised my teachers didn't accidentally put their coffee mugs on my shoulders.

I'll post after Reading Festival. I have guest tickets so I'm hoping to hunt Eminem down and snog him. I've washed my hair and brushed my teeth especially.

x

Rule No.31: There is always a reason why people are staring at you...

OMG I AM SO TIRED.

I came back from Italy at 7pm on Sunday to my newly painted bedroom, which was completely empty...I didn't even have curtains.

By 11.30pm it looked like this (I don't think I did too badly)...

Two days later it looked like this...

OK, that's shameful, but I haven't got home until 10pm for the past two nights and now it's midnight and I'm writing this. I NEED SLEEP.

Monday was actually a pretty good day apart from the mild depression when waking up to no Italian sunshine and pretty mountains. Oh, and my usual wind incident happened... Just as I was walking into my office my skirt completely blew up revealing my whole bum to the guy behind me, which unfortunately for me was a guy that worked on Men's Health who then got into the same lift as me. The phrase 'awkward silence' doesn't even come close to describing the situation. I don't think I have ever stared at my feet so much in my life.

After eating enough pasta in the past week to feed ten rugby teams for an entire year, I have decided I am going on a diet. I have read up about eating like a Scandinavian and I think I could do that. However, I couldn't find rye bread in my local Sainsbury's and thought soda bread would be the same. Apparently I was wrong. However, my lunch did look pretty healthy today.

I did consume a cookie and a bit of Toblerone after, but that's not the point.I still had healthy stuff beforehand.

I had a meeting in the afternoon, where as usual I left the office panicking that I was going to be late. I got so hot from rushing to the meeting that by the time I got to the offices my face looked like someone had squirted me with a water gun.

I couldn't help but notice that people were staring at me during my trek to the meeting. However, in my mad panic I didn't think to wonder why. It wasn't until I reached the reception desk at the offices that I thought to check what I looked like. Oh dear. My dress had unbuttoned down to belly button and my whole bra was on display to the world. Luckily, I was wearing a nice bra and not one of the 'should be white, but is grey and should never be seen' ones.

After my meeting I got a little lost...Note to self, always go the way you came and use breadcrumbs to guide you.

Although, getting lost did mean I got to see my mate Paul.

 I love Paul.

I'm sure you will have all been aware of the One Direction premiere last night. I'm not going to lie, I wish I had been there. My friend Jade got to go and she even got papped with Simon Cowell (kinda). She's the one with the massive grin.

If that was me (and I had some how been lucky enough to get a ticket) I would have probably fallen over just as the photo had been taken, so I think Jade did pretty well here.

I assure you though, if I had been there I would have NOT looked like the below. I mean, I love 1D, but come on this is just silly...

I think the only time I cried like that was when I was ridiculously hungover and the pub had ran out of pie & mash.

I'll leave you with the thought of my face at that current time.

x

Rule No.30: Don't listen to Michael Bublé when you're sad

I'm currently sitting on a train back to London, listening to Michael Bublé - Home. I DON'T WANT TO GO HOME!

Neither does Heather. 

I'm seriously considering doing what Colin Firth did in Love Actually...move out to Italy and write a book (or did he go to Spain?). Then fall in love with my Italian servant. Actually, I'll edit that bit of the movie...I'll fall in love with an Italian book publisher that owns a yacht and plays guitar. We can then sail around all day eating watermelon. 

Oh, I miss the watermelon. A waiter at the hotel used to bring me a piece every afternoon whilst I was lying like a whale on my sun lounger. 

I miss laying there and staring at the mountains. From now on I will only have a post office to look out at from my bedroom window...what a contrast. Maybe I should paint some mountains on my window.

I also miss Yari, the hotel pianist. For our last night he played all of our favourite songs (without us even asking) and he changed the names in one song to Gina and Heather. So cute! 

Here he is: 

On the plane back we had a pretty frightful experience. It was like something out of a horror movie. It kept moving. 

Poor child. He was peacefully sleeping while we were laughing/freaking out. 

Right I'm going to stare out of the window and daydream. Well it's not like I have anyone to talk to...

Our 4am start has obviously worn her out. Either that or I'm ridiculously boring. Probably both. 

Bye x 

Rule No.29: You're not going to find your Italian husband in Lake Garda

Well, you'll be glad to know it's my last day in Lake Garda.

I'm trying not to get depressed yet, but it's pretty hard when I know that this time tomorrow I'll be on a train back to London. What makes it worse is I know I've got to move everything back into my bedroom when I get home (I had to take everything out for the decorators).

Errrrggggghhhhhhh. 

Anyway, back to Italy...so our night out on Thursday wasn't too successful for pulling fit Italian men. I did get chatting to a lawyer who owned a yacht (sounds perfect?). He had a big belly and was at least 15 years older than me. Therefore, the conversation was more like a polite 10 minute chat. 

It was a really fun night though, we found an outside club right next to the lake. All of the music was in English. They even played a dance version of Bastille - Pompeii. The DJ kept shouting '1,2,3,4'. 

It was a pretty surreal since it was a club for the locals and we were the only English people in there. Handy for us though because we knew the words to every song. I got so excited when Aviici came on I danced around the stage like I was being chased by a gorilla. 

During my week in Italy I have learnt five things: 

1) Don't come to Lake Garda to find an Italian Stallion...it's full of couples and children 

2) The fact we say 'latte' in England is stupid. We're technically just asking for milk and it is very confusing for Italian waiters. It's either cafe latte or latte macchiato 

3) Prosecco is cheaper than beer

4) My name is an Italian grandma name 

5) If someone asks you if you and your housemate are sisters, don't say 'no we just live together' as they then presume you're lesbians 

I would say the most awkward thing that has happened to me while being here is when we were talking about motorbikes at dinner. Heather's mum suddenly said "I bet you like something powerful between your legs don't you Gina". Wow. All I could manage to say was "did that just happen???"

We then laughed hysterically for about twenty minutes. 

Bloody hilarious. 

Anyway, I think Italy is 'me'. I LOVE the food, I love the weather and I love the people. And, with the language you can kinda get away with just putting an 'o' at the end of everythingo.

I am to be referred to as 'Gino' from now on. 

This morning the hotel waiter has been teaching me Italian. He already knows me too well, "Gina, when you meet a good looking Italian man that can't speak much English you say 'qual è il tuo nome?'...'what is your name?'." 

It's a bit late now, but you never know, it might come in handy at the airport. 

I'm off to practice my poi soon before dinner. I did a bit yesterday too: 

That's called angel wings. 

The windmill. 

Big circle weave. 

You need videos really, but my iPhone wont let me upload them :( 

Btw, you'll be excited to know that Heather and I got FOUR shout outs from the pianist last night. A new record! I even got a shout out to the 'New Bridget'...I feel like I have a new secret identity. 

Speak to you when I'm back in Englando!

X 

P.s look at this cute bridge with padlocks from couples (it makes me sick)

Rule No.28: Don't go on a boat with a hangover

You are going to LOVE what happened to me last night. 

To give you the background story...on Tuesday night Heather and I got chatting to the pianist, and I gave him the link to my blog. We were also discussing our favourite songs, where mine has always been Tracy Chapman - Fast Car. 

Last night after dinner Heather and I went to go and watch the pianist (as we are his groupies). After a few songs he said "my next song is from a movie from Great Britain, based on the most beautiful girl on the island...Bridget Jones". 

!!!!!!

THEN he played Tracy Chapman - Fast Car..."this is for Gina". 

!!!!!

Of course (with a slightly red face) I sang my heart out to Tracy. A German woman sitting opposite to me was also singing along. She then started singing along whilst looking at me and awkwardly we sang together. It was a special moment...well it felt special after a bottle of Prosecco. 

We then sang Take That together. 

Oh god, I'm dreading bumping into her. 

CRINGE.

This morning (after my daily croissant with nutella) we had a boat ride across the lake to Limone. Oh dear. The boat was so crowded we were like sardines, and I got split up from Heather. 

I was having to stop myself being sick for a whole hour. It was TERRIBLE. Boats and hangovers are not a great combination. 

However, Limone is a beautiful place so I soon felt happy again. It's also famous for making Limoncello, so I obviously bought a big bottle. 

It's probably not big enough to be honest. 

Look at my pretty photos:

We're out partying tonight so wish me some Italian men hunting luck. 

X 

Rule No.27: Always find a spoon

I'm a little concerned that we now have a reputation at the hotel. I keep getting smirks from the other guests around the swimming pool. We just can't help but sing along to the pianist at night time. I think it's a mixture of too much Prosecco and too much excitement. He even played Take That last night, and Boyzone!! I bloody love Boyzone. 

The pianist also gave a shout out to the 'girls from Great Britain' so we are now officially groupies. 

I'm not sure I helped my reputation when I sat eating my yoghurt with a lid from a bottle. 

I couldn't find a spoon and it was a coconut yoghurt. I couldn't control myself. 

I am officially getting a tan. Check out my tanned legs compared to my slippers. 

Yeeeeeaaaaa.

It is ridiculously cloudy today though and we're expecting thunderstorms so you can't hate me too much. Say that, you're at work and I'm not. Haaa haaa. 

Seriously though, check out the dark cloud.

So I discovered last night that 'Gina' is a really old fashioned name, and in Italy that's what your grandma is likely to be called. I have to say I'm slightly disappointed. That can't be very attractive to the Italian men. I'm basically saying "Hi I'm Mildred". 

Check these pics out. I climbed the bell tower this morning and the view was incredible. 

Right I'm off to order a piña colada. 

Ciao x 

Rule No.26: Alcohol does not make you a good singer

Well this morning was awkward.

Last night Heather and I had a little too much Prosecco. 

There was a pianist playing on the roof terrace of our hotel, and he was playing some classics...Robbie Williams - Angels, Elvis Costello - She, and a bit of Enrique. 

He thought we were great and kept laughing at our amazing singing and dancing attempt. However, this morning at breakfast we had to do the walk of shame. Half of the hotel had seen our disastrous moves. I don't think we gave the Brits a good reputation. Apologies. 

The waiter at dinner thought we were idiots too. The food was incredible, but after four courses we were so unbelievably full. However, we still wanted to try the desserts. The waiter came over to our table and attempted to say 'would you like dessert?'. However, with his Italian accent 'desserta' sounded like 'starter'. 

You should have seen our faces...

"STARTER???"

I don't think I have ever been so afraid of food before. Luckily he had meant dessert and I demolished the best creme brûlée EVER. It was incredible. 

I am going to have to go on the starvation diet when I'm back in England. 

Unfortunately there are still no Italian men stories. They all wear budgie smugglers and it upsets me a little bit. 

Maybe tonight when they're wearing clothes I might have a little shark around some bars. We are planning to find someone that owns a yacht... Well we may as well aim high to begin with. 

Hope you like my posh robe. 

X 

Rule No.25: You have to go to Lake Garda

OMG it is incredible here. This is the view from our pool...

Could it get any better? Well I suppose it  could if there was a hot man in the photo and my Piña Colada was a bit bigger. 

Also, please notice the man posing in this picture. 

What a hunky fella...oh dear.

Unfortunately I haven't seen many fit men yet (except for the man in the photo obviously), but I have only been here a few hours. I should probably calm down. 

Our flight was really easy despite having to get up at 4am. I spent pretty much the whole flight listening to Nickelback, which was a bit odd, but I enjoyed myself. 

When we were about to land the plane had to quickly go back up again. Heather was screaming all over the place. I had to give her a stern telling off to calm her down (it probably didn't help). Basically the plane before us had hit a bird (R.I.P) when landing so they had to clear the runway. 

We then felt it was only right to shout loudly 'there will be two other birds landing soon as well'...obviously referring to ourselves. 

We found it funny anyway. 

I think you'll be pretty impressed with the size of my suitcase. 

I seem to pack like a man. Either that or my bag is like Mary Poppins bag. 

I hope you also noticed my pink nail varnish.

This is me eating cheesecake really elegantly in Manchester last night. 

Yea I know, I'm sexy. 

Speak tomorrow x 

Rule No.24: Having your mum on Facebook is dangerous

This is going to be a cracking post.

I spent the whole of last night emptying my room as my landlord is painting the walls and changing the carpet whilst I'm in Italy. This is the before and after shot of my four hour emptying session: 

I did not enjoy myself. 

Then I had to pack. I hate packing. However, my housemate went out to get us a bottle of red wine, which made everything seem a lot more enjoyable. Probably because I was pretty drunk after half a bottle. 

In the past 24 hours my mum has been a bit of a devil (I do still love you mum). First of all she private messaged me on Facebook to tell me she thinks my blog is going to lead to me being single forever. She has got a point. However, she then went on to say that she thinks if I was to meet somone he would be like Matt Lucas. 

I'm hoping she just means his personality. 

THEN she changed her status to the below and TAGGED me in it. 

Oh the shame. 

If she describes me as a 'free spirit' surely it implies that she thinks I'm a bit of a slut?? Thanks mum, that's really going to do me some favours. 

Oh god, I am actually going to be single forever. 

Maybe I should buy a cat now?

Maybe I should start playing drums in a band so I can get the lead singer to fall in love with me, like the little boy did in Love Actually? 

Maybe I should run away to Thailand and get a Thai groom? 

Actually, since I'm going to Italy tomorrow morning I might just stuff an Italian man in my suitcase back to England. 

I'm on an Italian man mission. 

My next post will be from Italy! 

Ciao x 

Rule No.23: If you want it then just get it*

I've just been shoppiiiiiing! Well, technically I exchanged something and upgraded by an extra £50...to nice new handbag. Woooo.

Personally I think it was a necessary purchase. If you saw the post 'Rule No.18' then you would have seen my other handbag, it had a big hole in it and a shoe lace as the zip head...I'm going to ignore the fact I could have fixed the hole and bought a new zip head because I LOVE my new bag, AND it has a side strap. Everyone needs a side strap. And, it looks posh and I want to be posh, or at least a little bit posh.

When I was browsing in Topshop tonight a denim crop top caught my eye. I was about to go over to look at it when a girl shouted to her mum "eerrgghh, can you believe someone would actually buy this?". I immediately changed direction and didn't look at the top. Oh the shame. I thought it was nice!! (She obviously had boring taste...)

I'm sorry to break it to you, but I'm going Italy on Sunday (YEESSSS). I'm going to Lake Garda with my house mate, and I can't bloody wait. I realised this morning that it will be the first time in three years that I'll be going on a holiday and not having to travel around everywhere. I can just chill and do nothing. I can actually take a suitcase and not a backpack! Oh, the luxury.

To add to my excitement I took a client to get a pedicure today so my feet are nice and my nails are bright pink. Also, Freya kindly sent me three bikinis for my holiday so I now have some beautiful bikinis to wear. Yea I know, you hate me.

Don't worry, I promise to blog from Italy (as long as I have wifi in the hotel). You're going to want to punch the photos of me lying by the pool and eating loads of tiramisu though. Muhahaha.

I have caveated todays rule as I don't believe you should always get what you want, but I do think that sometimes you should just do it. Like my handbag. I can afford it, so why not? If I was in debt then I wouldn't have got it, but I'm not, so bugger it. I WANTED IT. And today, I had made a salad for lunch but when lunchtime came around all I could think about was a chicken buritto. And, I know myself well enough to know that once I start thinking about a buritto then I won't stop thinking about a buritto. So I got one.

As long as you don't give in all of the time then I believe you definitely should on occasion. The other day I tried to avoid giving in...I'd already had dinner, but I really wanted a crumpet. I instead had a plum, but I wasn't satisfied so I had another plum. I ended up eating three plums and then still had the crumpet. It had got to the point where I wasn't going to stop eating things until I got my crumpet. Therefore, I should have just had one straight away. Silly bridget.

Anyway, if I get really fat then I can just follow Peter Griffin's rule. I think he has a valid point.

Actually, I'll be honest, I don't want to be round. Being short and round is not a good look. Have you ever heard anyone say "she was really fit, she was so short and round, it was really sexy". No, that's right, you haven't. I can't be round, I'm already short and I can't do anything about that.

My friend Ben has persuaded me to sign up to a silent speed dating night with him. It's not until 13 September, but OMG it's going to be the most awkward thing ever. Can you imagine anything worse than sitting in front of a complete stranger in silence? I would just have fits of giggles. The guy would probably be sitting there really seriously and I'll be snorting with laughter like a pig on laughing gas. I might have to wear a muzzle.

Good night x

Rule No.22: Always beware when walking alone

You'll be proud of me, I went to the gym tonight!

My friend Sophie emailed me today and wanted to have a catch up so I suggested we use one of my gym guest passes (I can't believe I actually suggested this and not the pub). When I got to the gym I realised I had left my gym pass at home. Sophie and I looked at each other with the 'here's our excuse not to go' look, and Sophie then suggested we go for dinner instead. The thought of Pizza Express gave me tingles of excitement. But no, we were strong and we asked the receptionist if she could let us in without my pass. She let us in. Damn it.

Our gym session ended up being pretty good! We did approx. 40 mins of cardio and 20 mins of free weights. I'd say that it was a pretty good effort since we both hadn't been to the gym for about three months. After the gym we went and got half price sushi from Itsu (FYI, it's half price after 9pm), and ate twice as much as we normally would. Then, on the way to Oxford Circus station we both shared a Wispa. Therefore, the gym session was pretty pointless.

However, the Wispa tasted like heaven so it was totally worth it. We even made the 'mmm' noise for a good 20 seconds (until the Wispa had magically disappeared)

So last night I was in Brixton again for my Fire Poi lesson, and I can definitely 100% confirm that last weeks post about crisps attracting men is completely true. I was walking down the same street as last week, but this time not eating crisps. I was like a ghost, no one noticed me. I even walked past a group of 20 drunken men outside of a pub and there was nothing. What was even funnier about the situation was that I realised when I got to my class that my skirt had been lifted up by my bag, so my pants were on full show the whole journey. Therefore, crisps really do attract men. Either that, or my bum repels them.

On my way home that night I automatically got my phone out to check for any messages when I came out of the tube station. I then noticed a man who was about to cross the road in the opposite direction had started walking behind me. He was a scary looking man with his hood up. I put my phone away and started walking slightly quicker. I then got to a bus stop, where there were a lot of people so I started to slow down hoping he would overtake me, he didn't, he slowed down too. I wasn't sure what to do so I carried on walking. When I got to my street I decided not to risk walking down it as it's a really quiet street, and I was curently on a busy road. I decided to cross the road away from where I lived. He followed. I then crossed another road and headed towards a kebab shop that was open. He followed. I got to the kebab shop and stood next to a man that was outside and then the man that was following me ran off.

I know I usually like to post funny things, but if I hadn't noticed the guy following me and if I hadn't instantly put my phone away I would have definitely been mugged. Be careful people.

On a much lighter note, I'm taking one of my clients for a pedicure tomorrow so I've spent a good ten minutes trying to make my feet look nicer tonight. What a pointless exercise?? That's like washing your car before taking it to the carwash because you're too ashamed of how dirty it is. To be fair, my feet are still terrible. I hate feet.

Before I go and get some sleep. Check out the dress my mum made for me! I got home the other night to find a parcel that she had sent to me, it was such a lovely surprise!

She's got a Facebook page with all of the amazing creations she has made, if you want to see more then just click here.

Oh, also...I thought you might appreciate my pyjama top. I got it for free when I went to BCM in Magaluf when I was 17. I probably should get rid of it as some point...

Night! x

Rule No. 21: Everyone has a dirty secret...

I have had over 4,500 views of my blog in 19 days, whaaaaat?!?! Therefore, without sounding like one of those crappy "I would like to thank my mum, my dad and especially God..." speeches, THANK YOU SO MUCH.

Before I started my blog, I read an article on The Guardian website with hints and tips to creating a successful blog (I had no idea how to do it). One of the tips was not to panic if your blog started to become successful, where they had classed successful as 1,000 views a month. When I read that, I genuinely thought 'I hope that one day I can get 1,000 views in a month'. How have I managed over four times that in less than a month?? Who bloody knows.

A special thank you to everyone that is sharing it on Facebook and Twitter. I haven't even had to force people at gun point to do that yet (to any policemen/policewomen out there, I do not own a gun. I do however own a nail file, which probably could cause a bit of damage if I tried really hard).

Anyway, onto today. I started reading a Roald Dahl book this morning, I've actually only read a couple of his books before. I was too obsessed with Jacqueline Wilson, Dick King-Smith, Enid Blyton and my Mega Drive (retro) when I was a child. Some would say I'm now a bit old for Roald Dahl and maybe I should try reading something of a higher calibre. However, I say screw you, the books are legendary. Today I've started on James and the Giant Peach. I must admit I did feel a little bit awkward on the tube this morning, I felt the same kind of way you would if you got on wearing a kids back pack. People looked confused, but at the same time were like 'fair play, you go for it'. And, I did go for it, I read four chapters and I'm going to read another four chapters in bed tonight. I am so wild.

On another note, I have been laughing all day thinking about a photo that my friend Kirsty got tagged in last night on Facebook. I was laughing so much at lunch that I had tears streaming down my face, and I sounded like Muttley from Wacky Races...

There can't be anything worse that getting tagged in a photo where you're generously helping yourself to a buffet. Especially when you didn't even know the photo was being taken.

Go on Kirsty, help yourself to another spring roll...

I now want spring rolls.

So today's rule... 'Everyone has a dirty secret', which they do, except me. I tell everyone everything (hence the blog). I can't help it, I feel like everyone needs to know everything about my life. I AM WHAT I AM. (I promise I won't tell anyone your secrets though, I am good at keeping those...most of the time).

I told a lie. I do have one little secret...

Welcome to the inside of my wardrobe:

I told you everyone has a secret. Mine happens to be ONE DIRECTION IN MY WARDROBE. Not the real One Direction, I wouldn't keep that a secret, I would definitely show off about that.



Night

x

P.S. I now have a little clicky button thing, please see below. It's for people to follow my blog easily. Please press it :)