Rule No.72: A reduced jumper is not more important than family

A belated Merry Christmas! 

Sorry about the lack of Christmas Day posting. It was a busier day than expected. Plus, spending time with family around Christmas is definitely the most important thing to do. No offence blog fans, you know I love you too.

My Christmas day consisted of a lovely walk around the Memorial Park in the morning with my mum, dad and my ugly dog, Taz.

I hope I'm not one of those owners that looks like their dog. If so, shoot me. 

After the walk I worked at a homeless shelter for a few hours, where I helped prepare food, sort out clothing and make a bag of toiletries for each person dropping by the shelter. The bags included shampoo, conditioner, a razor, toothbrush, etc. Everything is donated by the public and it's really heartwarming to see how many people donate. An Indian restaurant had made curry for all of the people staying at the homeless shelter the night before too, which I was pretty jealous of. I LOVE a curry.

I highly recommend volunteering at a homeless shelter over the Christmas period. I usually help out at the The Methodist Church in Coventry, where I help serve the Christmas dinner and sit with the visitors, pull crackers and share stories, etc. This year it was more 'behind the scenes' work and I must say I prefer getting to chat to everyone. However, one thing I have definitely learnt this year is that things people probably don't even think to donate are actually really vital. Things like toothpaste, deodorant and razors.

When I got back to my parents house I had a little nap then we had the best Christmas dinner ever (and lots of wine). After dinner we went to my aunty and uncles house for more food, alcohol and a game of trivial pursuit. It was girls against boys, and the girls lost by one point. I was useless, I didn't help out with a single question. 

Ever since Christmas day I've been drinking all day everyday. I'm starting to think my dad thinks I'm his dustbin for alcohol. He asked me to do him 'a favour' on Boxing day, which included drinking a bottle of wine he didn't like. Obviously I drank it, followed by whisky and Baileys (not at the same time). I think Christmas is the only time you can get away with drinking constantly.

Can you believe people were queuing outside Selfridges from 11pm on Christmas Day for the sales? Is that really what Christmas means to people? Surely, family and friends are much more important than some reduced tshirts?

These are the two main people I've been spending my days with. My amazing nephews.

Anyway, I'm currently at Birmingham airport on my way to Krakow. A 4am alarm was set and my parents drove Jade and I to the airport. What absolute gems!

Yesterday however, I felt like absolute crap. I had four lempsips and lots of oranges so I'm hoping my nose will stop running and I'll stop coughing. Although, it did mean that I was able to sit in bed and do this most of the day.

I hope you have an amazing NYE and I'll catch up when I'm back. That's if I'm alive after all of the vodka I'm going to consume. 

x

Rule No.71: Don't get a blow dry on a rainy day

I have been at my parents house in Coventry for nearly two hours now and I've already had two cups of tea and a whole shepherds pie made for me. This is the life. FYI, I didn't eat the whole pie as it was big enough for three people (although I wanted to).

My Dad has already given me the job of wrapping the presents he bought for my mum. It's my yearly task as apparently he can't wrap presents himself... However, I'm pretty sure this is a lie. Just like the time my brother told me 'I was the best at making cups of tea' so that I would feel special and actually want to make them. 

Anyway, a few things have happened in the past 24 hours...

I got my nails done last night and looked like Edward scissor hands. 

But now they look nice. 

I decided to get rid of the festive nails and go for a more grown up look...I am not five years old after all.

This morning Charlotte and I had a blow dry so we would look nice for the Christmas period. This obviously included the usual question from the hairdresser, "so where are your family from originally then? You're obviously not English".

I wonder if people will ever think I look English? I feel like my face just tells a massive lie. I am a walking (usually sitting) LIE. 

We then had a team breakfast, which included poached eggs on toast with maple bacon and avocado. It was heaven. I think I just dribbled again.

It was then time to do some work (bah humbug). However, I was actually quite productive considering it was Christmas Eve. I of course ensured we were listening to some 80s classics to keep us going. Don't hate me, but I'm bored of Christmas songs already...even Michael Buble ones.

After work I had a last minute trip to Fortnum and Mason to do some rather late Christmas present shopping. This basically included me pushing tourists out of the way whilst getting two items that I had pre planned to buy. I knew exactly where they were so I felt like I was doing some kind of game show challenge to get to them without physically pushing anyone over (or punching them). Luckily I survived. Oh, and the tourists survived too.

As I left the office to go to Euston station it started to bloody rain. Therefore, my blow dry was ruined. What a waste! At least my hair is now extra clean...

More annoyingly, I had so much stuff to take home I looked and felt like a sweaty donkey. 

I was supposed to be pulling a miserable face in this picture, but I actually look like I'm doing a Paris Hilton pout.

The photo doesn't really do the 'donkey look' much justice. However, I also had a bag on my back and my suitcase weighed more than me... The price I pay to give my family presents at Christmas (and most importantly bring enough clothes back so I have numerous outfits to choose from each day). 

I'm shortly going to the City Arms in Coventry. It's a yearly tradition to meet at the pub and I can't wait to see everyone (and drink). Although, I'm only going to stay out until midnight. The nights of going to the Colosseum (a Coventry club) after the City Arms and getting a kebab at 3am are over. You can never appreciate your Christmas dinner when you have a hangover and you're still full from a morning kebab...

I hope Santa visits you tonight chums. I know he's not visiting me until Boxing day, but you know, I'm not selfish so I hope you get lots of presents. Then you can hopefully share them with me. Thanks. 

X 

Rule No.70: Don't wear red dresses in December. Unless you want to look like Santa.

This week I discovered that I can fit five Lindt balls in my mouth. 

Yes, I know that if they were unwrapped I'd be able to fit more in, but I wanted to refrain from consuming 60 million calories. Plus, I'm one of those weird people that doesn't actually like them very much.

It has also been the week that I got free tickets to see Boyzone at the O2. I'm a big believer that if you don't ask then you don't get (common sense really). Therefore, I asked a PR company if they had any spare tickets and they did, so they gave them to me. Whoop. I took my friend Amy, which was a great surprise as I didn't expect anyone would actually want to go. However, the fact we were in a box with free wine and free food was probably the deciding factor.

Burger, wine and Boyzone. Heaven.

They were the band that I was most obsessed with as a child, I used to go to sleep every night wishing I could marry Stephen Gately. You can imagine how heart broken I was when he announced that he was gay. All of a sudden the dream of marrying him and having lots of little Stephens running around was completely shattered.

I remember getting my first Boyzone tshirt when I was about nine. My friend Jo gave me hers because she knew how obsessed I was with them. What a true friend. I wore it to school nearly everyday. I still can't believe my parents and my teachers let me wear it in the end of year school photo.

Yes, I did look like a boy.

In other news, an incident occurred yesterday morning and now I'm scared that I might go to hell. The doorbell went, which usually I would just ignore because it's generally someone pressing the wrong buzzer. However, yesterday I thought it could be the postman so I hurriedly went to answer it. However, to my surprise it was Jehovah's Witnesses -  a young man (approx. 18 yrs old) and his dad. They told me that they wanted to spread the love of God... I was standing there in my pyjamas, which consisted of shorts and a tight white (rather see-through) tshirt and no bra on. I also had no makeup on and my hair looked like a birds nest that had fallen from a tree, and then been repeatedly stamped on. I quickly tried to hide behind my front door, but the poor boy had already witnessed the disgusting sight. He didn't know where to look. No one should have had to witness this. I honestly don't know why I didn't think to at least put on a jumper before I answered the door. 

Anyway, I took a leaflet from the terrified guy, wished him and his dad a Merry Christmas and quickly closed the door.  I have definitely learnt my lesson, I am never answering the door looking like that EVER again. I don't even know why I thought it would be OK to open the door like that to the postman?!

Moving on...

Christmas.

It's a funny time of year isn't it?! I wore a red dress on Friday and I'm pretty sure people thought I was trying to dress like Mrs Claus. I wasn't even trying to be festive, I just like the dress. However, I've come to the conclusion that red dresses are not allowed to be worn in December. Someone should make this rule more clear, which is why it is my rule number 70. You can thank me by sending flowers.

You're welcome.

One other massive fact is that Christmas is the time of year where people want to fall/be in love. They want to recreate Love Actually, The Holiday...they want to hold hands whilst walking in the snow, they want to drink mulled wine together and of course share a German sausage. However, I definitely do not. I especially wouldn't want to SHARE a German sausage, I want one TO MYSELF. You see, the years when I have had a boyfriend at Christmas have actually been the worst ones. I'm sure this won't always be the case and the fact is that I have just had bad luck, but this year I'm very much looking forward to being alone.

One year my boyfriend wasn't talking to me because he got it into his head that I was cheating on him whilst back in Coventry. I mean, the only male that I was snuggling up to was my dog. And last year my boyfriend didn't speak to me all Christmas day because he was too busy spending it with the girl he was cheating on me with.

However, because it's Christmas, some strange things have occurred. Surely this hasn't just happened to me? In the past two days my ex boyfriend got in contact, a guy I dated for a while also contacted me AND another guy left me a voice mail on Friday night. The voice mail was of him singing 'Oasis - Supersonic' whilst playing guitar. He even changed the line so it said "Gina, you make me laugh". Some would say this was quite romantic, but let's be honest, if they were actually interested they would have done something about it by now. Christmas does funny things to people. Or maybe I'm just an idiot?

  

Actually, there is something that might happen. I am thinking about doing my first ever YouTube video for you, and the debut would be on Christmas Day. This maybe a ridiculously bad idea, but hey it's Christmas...

P.s. I have a red spot on my nose again. Perfect time of year to look like Rudolph.

x

Rule No.69: Don't ever wear a jumper without jeans

It's nearly Christmas!

I have three more days of work left, then it's officially time to drink Baileys for breakfast (and see my family). Although, I spoke to my parents earlier today and was told two HORRENDOUS things:

1) We're not opening presents on Christmas day as we're going to wait for my brother and his family to arrive on Boxing Day
2) I don't have any presents

That's right. My Dad said, "well you haven't got any presents to open anyway". This is because my parents gave me money towards a chest of drawers for my bedroom, so now I don't have any presents.

When did being an adult become so rubbish?

Can someone please buy me a present?

I had my work Christmas party on Tuesday, which started with a civilised meal at Whyte and Brown and ended with seven of us going to Lucky Voice for karaoke. This resulted in me 'singing' Lion King songs with Prosecco spilt down my top, whilst wearing a green wig. 

Apart from our terrible singing, one other key thing I remember from the evening is the waiters comment at dinner when he gave me my food... 'oh yes, you do look like a sausage and mash type of girl'. Yes, that's right he actually said that. I nearly threw the sausage at him, but I didn't want to waste the sausage. 

I'm not sure if I was over tired or still drunk, but the next day I made a massive fashion faux pas. For some strange reason I didn't think to wear jeans with my jumper. In my bedroom mirror the jumper looked like a reasonable length. However, as soon as I started walking to the tube station it became rather short. Luckily I had my long beige coat to cover it up. However, I felt like a stripper on the tube. I was trying to keep my coat completely closed so no one could see my thighs. I was too scared to even sit down.

I'm going to break up this text with a mug shot.

                                                                                                             

Monday night I went for dinner with a guy (yes that's right an actual male).  It was raining, but he had a big umbrella (no this is not a euphemism) so there wasn't any need for me to use mine. Therefore, when we left the restaurant it didn't occur to me that I'd left my umbrella at the table. Well, until I had to walk home from the tube station and get completely soaked.

I called the restaurant the next day and they had my umbrella!

The story gets better, I promise.

I went to pick my umbrella up last night, but the waitress couldn't find it. I was obviously fine about it because at the end of the day it was just a £9 umbrella. However, the waitress told the manager and he felt bad so he gave me a £25 voucher to use at the restaurant!!!

I then thought I'd check to see whether I had actually left it in the bar we had gone to afterwards...

The barman went to search the lost property and brought back an umbrella that looked just like mine. I screamed "Yes, that's mine!". Walked out, and halfway down the street realised it wasn't mine. I know at this point I should have gone back and returned it, but it had started to rain and I needed it.

Therefore, despite me accidentally stealing someones umbrella, I have actually done very well here.

Go me!

Night x

Rule No.68: Don't give kids boring tasks, unless you want them to think you're just as boring

This week I started my Christmas shopping, which is always a dreaded task. I find it especially difficult to buy for my nephews and my niece. The thing is I don't want to be seen as the boring auntie that just buys clothes, but at the same time they have so many toys they definitely don't need any more. 

I have been really paranoid that I am boring with kids ever since a mortifying incident that happened when I was 19. I worked on a tourist farm during the summer of my first year at university, and I was once asked to look after the farm owners son who was about 8. They wanted him to have 'work experience' so he was helping out on the farm for a week. Most of the people that were looking after him just let him pet the animals and generally have fun. I on the other hand got him to help me clean the guinea pigs out, and I kept giving him different tasks (surely that's what work experience is about?). He then turned round to me after about an hour and said "you're the most boring person I have ever met, I don't like you". 

Massive slap in the face.
 

I don't want my nephews and my niece to grow up thinking the same. I want them to think I am the COOL auntie. Therefore, I've bought jokey tshirts, board games and animal themed things this year. I think I've done pretty well. I'll definitely show you a pic of one of the presents after Christmas. YOU WILL LOVE IT.

I had a massive low point this week. I accidentally ordered the One Direction album twice. It's embarrassing enough that I ordered it in the first place, but I had to email iTunes for a refund. I obviously wrote in the email 'I know this is shameful'. The iTunes woman was very friendly though, she refunded me and wished me and my family a very Merry Christmas. Americans are so enthusiastic!

There have been quite a few highlights this week (although it's only Friday), which have basically been everything Christmas related.

I had my nails painted with Christmas designs.
 

I went to the Schuh Christmas event on Wednesday night. We all ate macaroni cheese, hot dogs, cup cakes, duffins (doughnut muffins) and drank champagne and mulled wine. Then we all watched Elf in a really cool venue under a railway bridge (indoors) in London Bridge. I also got to take home three cupcakes and a bottle of red wine - that's my Saturday night sorted.

I've decorated my phone.

I've worn Christmas head gear all week.

 

 

I guarantee I'll be bored of anything Christmas related by Christmas Eve.

x

Rule No.67: Consider drinking water and not just vodka

On Thursday 5th Dec it was the Cosmopolitan Women of the Year Awards, which were held at the V&A in London. 

I prepared the night before with a face mask.

I wasn't going for the Hannibal Lecter look on purpose.

On the day itself I had my makeup and nails done with a client. I felt pretty pampered for once, I actually looked alright! On arrival I saw McBusted being photographed by the press, but then got distracted by men handing out champagne. This was a problem throughout most of the night.

I did have my photo taken with McBusted though. I went over to them and exclaimed "I'm just so excited you're all here". To which Dougie replied "oh, that's cool". However, we both knew it wasn't cool and I actually sounded like a massive tit. I got a photo anyway. 

We all went to sit down for dinner and the room looked beautiful. 

My photography skills were terrible so I apologise.

I nipped to the toilet before the awards started and met Nicole and half of Little Mix in the queue. Nicole didn't actually queue for the toilet though..she just went straight in. Then again, I saw Paloma Faith go into the mens toilets to skip the queue.

Fair play.

Here I am looking creepy with Scherzy and my friend Mel.

And here I am wanting to look like a Little Mixer.

By the time the awards had finished I had consumed a rather large amount of vodka. This was mainly due to the fact my friend JoJo was pouring me drinks that consisted of half vodka, half lemonade. They were so strong that they tasted vile, so everyone told me just to hold my nose and drink it really quickly. And since I am a massive idiot that's exactly what I did.

Then this photo happened with Harry from McFly... 

It's such a shameful pose, even for me. Ah well, Harry seemed to be getting into it...

The rest of the night consisted of more drinks, lots of dancing and a really good evening. Next year I am going to stay relatively sober though...I'm annoyed at myself that my night is a bit of a blur. Plus, I was sick six times the next morning before having to go to work. It was less than ideal.

Don't worry, I've already given myself a good talking to. 

Anyway, yesterday I saw my mummy!

We went to see Matthew Bourne's Swan Lake, which was incredible! My mum had been given a ticket to see the show as she used to make costumes for Andy Monaghan who was the Prince. Therefore, I decided to buy a ticket so I could go along too. However, this meant I was sitting on my own (you'll understand the relevance of this in a minute).

I was planning to meet my mum at the theatre at 2pm, but due to an EXTREMELY slow tube I didn't get there until 2.45pm. The show had started at 2.30pm so the theatre staff let me in during a scene change, but it was pitch black and I couldn't see where I was going. Typically my seat was right in the middle of the row so I had to make everyone stand up so I could walk to the middle. This was until I got to a man who refused to stand up to let me past. The only way I could get past him was to physically climb over him, which I obviously couldn't do. Therefore, I was stuck. People started moaning and saying 'this is ridiculous'. I didn't know what to do. 

I had no choice but to sit where I was. I couldn't get 15 people to stand up for me again. Luckily for me a kind woman let me have her seat and her two children (who were actually in their 20s had to share a seat). It was awful. When it got to the interval the kind woman, one of her children and six women over the age of sixty that were sitting in the row behind me all shouted at the horrible man. It was funny, all of the moaning and the 'this is ridiculous' comments were actually about the man. Such a relief because I thought I had made a lot of theatre goers very angry. 

After the interval I went to go and sit in my actual seat, but as I was squeezing past people to get to it I spilt half of my glass of water over two girls in the row below. They gave me a horrible look and moaned at me. I felt like maybe I don't belong at the ballet and maybe I'm just not sophisticated enough. However, I sat down and decided to just forget that I am a total pillock and enjoy the rest of the show.

The show was abolsutely amazing and Andy was an incredible prince. I want to go again! Next time I'll leave extra early and avoid glasses of water...

Night x

Rule No. 66: Tube journeys have their ups and downs

I've hit an all time low.

I've run out of guys on Tinder. 

What am I going to do with my time now?!

So the main topic today is the tube (underground). Starting with a nice story about a dog...

I was sitting on the tube the other day observing the rest of the carriage whilst listening to One Direction. I noticed a couple had fallen out and were sitting next to each other, but facing in opposite directions with miserable faces. There was a man wearing a suit who was obviously really tired from work and was dozing off. And everyone else just looked pretty fed up... it was 7pm on a Monday after all. Then, a guy came on the tube and sat down with a little dog. It was so bizarre, all of these tired people with sad faces suddenly lit up. Everyone started smiling and two people even got up to go over and stroke the dog. Then the couple that had fallen out smiled at each other and the guy even grabbed her hand.

It just shows you what a dog can do.

This story I don't find as nice. I got off at Stockwell on Tuesday morning to change to the Victoria line. As I was getting off the tube a guy said to his mate 'she's not bad bro'. That's right, 'NOT BAD'!!! I mean it's not the best thing to be publicly called, he may as well have shouted 'she will do I suppose'... Well, thanks for that, I'll now skip to work thinking what a catch I must be. 

Then again, this morning was HORRENDOUS. A few seconds after I got on the tube a man started rubbing himself against me. I wasn't sure if I was being paranoid, but I moved away from him and stood with my back against the tube door just in case. However, he then moved next to me and put his hand on my bum (he was a business man in his early 40s, if you would like to picture him). At first I thought 'this can't actually be happening', but I looked down and he definitely had his hand on my bum, so I wasn't imagining things. I built up the courage and shouted "CAN YOU PLEASE STOP THAT". He replied 'stop what?'. I then shouted even louder "WILL YOU TAKE YOUR HAND OFF MY BUM RIGHT NOW". Guess what his reply was...? "oh, sorry". He did take his hand away though. The worst thing about this is that I then had to stand next to him on the crowded tube for another three stops. I was fuming. What a disgusting man.

I am proud of myself though. This is about the eighth time a man has done something like this to me on the tube. I've always just kept quiet and moved away. This time I wanted to embarrass him (although he didn't seem too bothered). I will never keep quiet again though, you never know they might think you like it if you don't say anything. It's just shocking how many disgusting men there are out there.

Anyway, this weekend was ace. Jade, Fern and Kirsty visited me for the weekend and we had a right adventure! Starting off in Sushi Samba for a glass of wine, then a stroll round Spitalfields market, then lots of dancing, sausage eating and mulled wine drinking at Winter Wonderland. THEN, we went to Shoreditch for a night out (yes, this was all in one day). This is the mess I had to deal with on the bus:

And this is the mess I had to deal with in the outside area of the Dolphin in Hackney.

The best quotes from the weekend were as follows:
Fern = "To be fair I did used to have a thing for Bart Simpson"
Kirsty = "Gina, have you got an adaptor?" (yes that's right she thought her visit to London meant she'd need to use a plug adaptor...)

I wouldn't change them for the world.

xx