Rule No.73: Don't buy chocolate covered cheese

A causally late Happy New Year. 

After 12 hours sleep last night I have finally recovered from Poland. I don't think anyone should consume as much vodka as I did. I honestly think if I had drunk any more my body would have just blown up. Not that it's stopping me from going out tonight. Single ladies cannot just stay at home on a Saturday night. Fact.  

Anyway, NYE in Krakow was ace. I was with great people in a town filled with cheap but tasty vodka, polish sausage and mulled wine. However, the only non alcoholic thing I drank all day was a coffee so the next day my liver hated me. And my kidneys hated me. And my head. And my skin. And most likely my stomach. My throat wasn't too happy either. However, after three days of detoxing I'm feeling pretty lively, plus I've actually drank water and eaten vegetables again.

A lot can happen in Krakow in three days and a lot definitely happened. Therefore, I thought it was probably best to create a list. 

1)  We witnessed men using plastic forks to eat from a bin (sober).

2) A homeless woman opened my legs to crawl between them and reach for a key under the bench I was sitting on. She then grabbed my knee to help stand herself up again. She didn't even talk to me, not that I would have understood her.

3) Suze sat down on a chair in a bar and it completely broke. Instead of helping her as she lay on the floor we pointed and laughed. But, that's what 'true' friends do...well maybe we should have helped her.

4) We bought all of the below for £10. Yes that includes the vodka.

5) An Austrian woman took a photograph of me (without asking) and sent it to her 35 year old son. She couldn't speak English, but her friend translated that she thought I'd be a perfect match. I'm still a bit confused how this romance was supposed to happen?

6) I bought some mistletoe to create some funny photos (and snogs) and then got pounced on by Jade. The mistletoe wasn't even in the air!!! I'm obviously just too irresistible. 

7) Two Italian men came over to speak to the four of us when we were sitting on a wall drinking mulled wine. One really liked Suze and said to me 'can you please move somewhere else so I can sit next to your friend'. Bloody charming. 

8) I had the worst pillow at the hostel. It was like sleeping on a flat brick. 

9) Suze and Jade had to buy ear plugs on our second day so they could sleep through mine and Aimee's snoring (particularly mine...I had a cold). 

10) Suze thought it would be a good idea to buy chocolate covered Camembert. It definitely wasn't. 

11) I got a kiss off two Italian men just after midnight. The two on the back left.

Such an international PIMP.

I also need to point out that Jade is once again using the mistletoe. 

12) I had a polish sausage at 4am on New Years Day. Therefore it was the first food I consumed in 2014 and I'm proud of it. 

13) We all decided to get on the first tram that arrived at our stop instead of using our common sense and looking at a map. We ended up in the middle of nowhere and it was scary, it was like the Krakow ghetto. We jumped on another random tram and again ended up in the middle of nowhere. We did this a third time before giving up and getting a taxi to our hostel. Never again shall we use the YOLO method of catching trams.

This is our 'we're cold and lost, but trying to stay happy face'. I didn't manage to get in the selfie, but you can see a bit of my hair and hat.

I'm going to leave you with my New Years resolutions: 

1) Don't swear so much
2) Become more ladylike

3) Actually do some exercise 

4) Watch TV (I feel socially awkward that I can't join in on TV conversations with people. I only watch max an hour a week)
5) Get a boyfriend

So far in three days I've only stuck to number 4.

LAD.

x