Rule No.79: Don't completely lose faith in humanity

Let's start with the thing I know you'll be most eager to hear about.

The zoo was good.

Ten minutes after meeting my date (still to be left nameless) a photographer working at the zoo asked to take our photo, "smile you two". I could feel the awkwardness between us, but as I love awkwardness and as I am also a massive poser in photos I just smiled and did my 'Gina pose'. We didn't actually see the photo so who knows what it looked like, but I probably looked more like Susan Boyle than Kate Moss.

To sum up the day at zoo I've decided it's probably best to focus on both the good things and the embarrassing things that happened. I'll start with the good:

1) We saw every single animal possible
2) I stroked a goat

The embarrassing things:

1) We witnessed a big scary gorilla jump on top of a female gorilla and put his two fingers up her bum (this was both awkward and embarrassing to watch)
2) Immediately after this happened a man shouted to me "I'm sorry my daughter has her hand up your skirt"
3) A monkey jumped and nearly landed on my head so I screamed like an absolute drama queen and people genuinely laughed at me...including my date
4) A camel blew sawdust all over me and my date had to pick it out of my hair... a bit like an ape picking fleas
5) I saw a rat and freaked out. I screamed really loudly and did a really strange shuffle dance to get away. I genuinely don't think I've been that scared for years. My date found it hilarious, I did not
6) I tripped over, panicked and grabbed my dates hand by accident. Actually this wasn't too bad, but it was rather forward
7) I told my date the story of how happy I was to pick up my duvet from the dry cleaners on Saturday. I instantly regretted sharing the story

I think that's about it.

Anyway, I still haven't put him off as I have date two tonight. However, that's all I'm going to share with you for a while now I'm afraid. Mainly because a) I don't want to jinx it and b) I don't want him to find this and think I'm a freak writing about it. 

Moving on...

I'm not sure if you've seen the below already, it's one of those crappy things that always seem to get shared on Facebook. However, this one intrigued me:

When I first saw this I expected to see thousands of comments saying "Ryan Gosling", "George Clooney, "Kelly Brook"...you get the idea. However, not one comment (I probably read about 80) included a celebrity, instead they named a member of their family or a friend. It was so heartwarming to see how many people cherish their family and friends. I genuinely felt that my faith in humanity was lifted slightly. It seems One Direction aren't going to rule the world after all.

Just in case you were interested, I would sit with Joseph Gordon-Levitt.

Jokes, I would sit with my grandma of course.

I would share a bed with Joseph Gordon-Levitt though. 

In other news, I now have a tongue scraper...not sure why they exist to be honest, but my colleague got it from a press event and left it on my desk. She thought out of everyone on my team I'd be the one to actually want it. She was right.

I will carry on using it even though I'm not sure if I'm using it right and I'm not really sure what it does.

I'm going to leave you with what I came home to last night. I have great housemates. This was courtesy of Lucy. I LOVE PIE.

Apart from the pie I've actually stuck to eating healthily, even though I have had to hold back the tears whilst eating my homemade soup at lunch, WITHOUT bread. That's right, WITHOUT BREAD. 

good bye x

Rule No.78: Be mean to guys. It actually works

You are all going to be extremely proud of me, I WENT TO THE GYM! Yes, you read correctly. 

I wasn't very happy about it though... 

...but actually I was really happy afterwards, so I celebrated with half a bottle of red wine and some chips that I stole from my housemates dinner plate.

Then I had a jumbo sized bag of Wotsits. 

I have been reasonably healthy this week though and my lunches have mainly looked like this:

I know it looks disgusting, but it actually tastes alright when you dip a baguette covered in butter into it (not so healthy after all).

Anyway, I've stayed in tonight as I got a little bit too drunk last night, which of course is not like me... I weirdly spent most of my night telling people that my friend Jonny was thinking about me whilst holding his willy. This came from the fact that when I first saw him in the bar he said "Giinaaaa, I was just in the toilet and thought 'I wonder if Gina is coming?' and here you are!" I then asked if he was thinking this whilst weeing and he said yes. Now I'm not too sure why I thought I needed to tell everyone the slightly exaggerated story, but I think white wine was the main reason.

Say that, I'm now sober and I still find it funny. My inner child needs to calm down. 

On a less weird note, I met a guy last night. We randomly started talking to each other after he held a door open for me (gentleman). Most of the conversation revolved around me telling him that he looks like a chav. I also told him he talks like a chav and sounds like Professor Green, where really it was just an East London accent. At one point I said "I bet your favourite music is rap and I bet you take loads of photos of your torso and put them on Instagram'. He obviously fought his corner and it turns out he actually isn't a chav at all. Then again I could have had my wine goggles on. Surprisingly though, after all of this he offered to buy me a drink and asked for my number.

Therefore, the moral of the story is that being mean to guys actually works. He even phoned me today and we're going on a date to London Zoo tomorrow.

Baffling I know.

Let's not monkey around though (lol, dad joke) it is bound to go wrong so let's end with this.

Night x

Rule No.77: Superman isn't much of a hero after all

I'm slightly concerned as one of my main highlights from the weekend was picking up my duvet from the dry cleaners. I can't believe how mature (sad) I'm becoming. I'm like the cheddar cheese that only older people eat because it's so strong...

...I don't really know what I was trying to say with the cheese thing either, but here's the dry cleaned duvet anyway (and my elephant):

I have also just received a message from my housemate to say she's bought a new light bulb for the kitchen. I AM SO EXCITED.

Please see the other old and boring things I have done this weekend in the following list below:

• Cleaned my bathroom 
• Hoovered and tidied my room
• Booked the hotel for the Liverpool trip (five of us are going in March to see Bombay Bicycle Club) 
• Set up an ISA at the bank
• Did two lots of washing
• Made my bed
• Made dinner for my housemates (microwavable)
• Sat in Starbucks and started writing my book... I thought I would be able to meet men in there whilst appearing to look sophisticated, but so far it doesn't seem to be the best place to go. There's a mix of families, girls and old people. Therefore, I think I might change my writing place to a pub, especially when the football or rugby is on

I didn't even drink all weekend. Mainly because I have got into the bad habit of drinking red wine nearly everyday. Therefore, I had a weekend detox. 

OK, that was a humongous lie. I went out in Brixton on Saturday night and consumed a rather large amount of vodka. Although, most of it was free vodka as a 7ft tall (nearly) guy spilt his drink all over my face. And when he saw how sad I was with the vodka dripping from my nose and eyelashes he suddenly felt very guilty. He then offered (which I gladly accepted) to pay for mine and Hayley's drinks all night. I know, I might try and get this to happen to me more often.

I am not going to out for a while now though and I'm going to eat healthily AND start exercising (one of my New Years resolutions remember). I don't want my thighs to look like tree trunks anymore and I don't want my liver to turn into solidified red wine. 

In other news, Superman is now on Gumtree as he failed to protect our house...we saw a mouse last week. Yes, that's right we have mice AGAIN (I think they've actually now gone).

I'm also back on Tinder, which is already depressing me as it's more addictive than Candy Crush. However, so far I've matched with 95% of the guys I've 'liked' so I'm actually pretty impressed with myself. Although only 5% of these guys have actually started talking to me...

Good bye x

Rule No.70: Don't wear red dresses in December. Unless you want to look like Santa.

This week I discovered that I can fit five Lindt balls in my mouth. 

Yes, I know that if they were unwrapped I'd be able to fit more in, but I wanted to refrain from consuming 60 million calories. Plus, I'm one of those weird people that doesn't actually like them very much.

It has also been the week that I got free tickets to see Boyzone at the O2. I'm a big believer that if you don't ask then you don't get (common sense really). Therefore, I asked a PR company if they had any spare tickets and they did, so they gave them to me. Whoop. I took my friend Amy, which was a great surprise as I didn't expect anyone would actually want to go. However, the fact we were in a box with free wine and free food was probably the deciding factor.

Burger, wine and Boyzone. Heaven.

They were the band that I was most obsessed with as a child, I used to go to sleep every night wishing I could marry Stephen Gately. You can imagine how heart broken I was when he announced that he was gay. All of a sudden the dream of marrying him and having lots of little Stephens running around was completely shattered.

I remember getting my first Boyzone tshirt when I was about nine. My friend Jo gave me hers because she knew how obsessed I was with them. What a true friend. I wore it to school nearly everyday. I still can't believe my parents and my teachers let me wear it in the end of year school photo.

Yes, I did look like a boy.

In other news, an incident occurred yesterday morning and now I'm scared that I might go to hell. The doorbell went, which usually I would just ignore because it's generally someone pressing the wrong buzzer. However, yesterday I thought it could be the postman so I hurriedly went to answer it. However, to my surprise it was Jehovah's Witnesses -  a young man (approx. 18 yrs old) and his dad. They told me that they wanted to spread the love of God... I was standing there in my pyjamas, which consisted of shorts and a tight white (rather see-through) tshirt and no bra on. I also had no makeup on and my hair looked like a birds nest that had fallen from a tree, and then been repeatedly stamped on. I quickly tried to hide behind my front door, but the poor boy had already witnessed the disgusting sight. He didn't know where to look. No one should have had to witness this. I honestly don't know why I didn't think to at least put on a jumper before I answered the door. 

Anyway, I took a leaflet from the terrified guy, wished him and his dad a Merry Christmas and quickly closed the door.  I have definitely learnt my lesson, I am never answering the door looking like that EVER again. I don't even know why I thought it would be OK to open the door like that to the postman?!

Moving on...

Christmas.

It's a funny time of year isn't it?! I wore a red dress on Friday and I'm pretty sure people thought I was trying to dress like Mrs Claus. I wasn't even trying to be festive, I just like the dress. However, I've come to the conclusion that red dresses are not allowed to be worn in December. Someone should make this rule more clear, which is why it is my rule number 70. You can thank me by sending flowers.

You're welcome.

One other massive fact is that Christmas is the time of year where people want to fall/be in love. They want to recreate Love Actually, The Holiday...they want to hold hands whilst walking in the snow, they want to drink mulled wine together and of course share a German sausage. However, I definitely do not. I especially wouldn't want to SHARE a German sausage, I want one TO MYSELF. You see, the years when I have had a boyfriend at Christmas have actually been the worst ones. I'm sure this won't always be the case and the fact is that I have just had bad luck, but this year I'm very much looking forward to being alone.

One year my boyfriend wasn't talking to me because he got it into his head that I was cheating on him whilst back in Coventry. I mean, the only male that I was snuggling up to was my dog. And last year my boyfriend didn't speak to me all Christmas day because he was too busy spending it with the girl he was cheating on me with.

However, because it's Christmas, some strange things have occurred. Surely this hasn't just happened to me? In the past two days my ex boyfriend got in contact, a guy I dated for a while also contacted me AND another guy left me a voice mail on Friday night. The voice mail was of him singing 'Oasis - Supersonic' whilst playing guitar. He even changed the line so it said "Gina, you make me laugh". Some would say this was quite romantic, but let's be honest, if they were actually interested they would have done something about it by now. Christmas does funny things to people. Or maybe I'm just an idiot?

  

Actually, there is something that might happen. I am thinking about doing my first ever YouTube video for you, and the debut would be on Christmas Day. This maybe a ridiculously bad idea, but hey it's Christmas...

P.s. I have a red spot on my nose again. Perfect time of year to look like Rudolph.

x

Rule No. 66: Tube journeys have their ups and downs

I've hit an all time low.

I've run out of guys on Tinder. 

What am I going to do with my time now?!

So the main topic today is the tube (underground). Starting with a nice story about a dog...

I was sitting on the tube the other day observing the rest of the carriage whilst listening to One Direction. I noticed a couple had fallen out and were sitting next to each other, but facing in opposite directions with miserable faces. There was a man wearing a suit who was obviously really tired from work and was dozing off. And everyone else just looked pretty fed up... it was 7pm on a Monday after all. Then, a guy came on the tube and sat down with a little dog. It was so bizarre, all of these tired people with sad faces suddenly lit up. Everyone started smiling and two people even got up to go over and stroke the dog. Then the couple that had fallen out smiled at each other and the guy even grabbed her hand.

It just shows you what a dog can do.

This story I don't find as nice. I got off at Stockwell on Tuesday morning to change to the Victoria line. As I was getting off the tube a guy said to his mate 'she's not bad bro'. That's right, 'NOT BAD'!!! I mean it's not the best thing to be publicly called, he may as well have shouted 'she will do I suppose'... Well, thanks for that, I'll now skip to work thinking what a catch I must be. 

Then again, this morning was HORRENDOUS. A few seconds after I got on the tube a man started rubbing himself against me. I wasn't sure if I was being paranoid, but I moved away from him and stood with my back against the tube door just in case. However, he then moved next to me and put his hand on my bum (he was a business man in his early 40s, if you would like to picture him). At first I thought 'this can't actually be happening', but I looked down and he definitely had his hand on my bum, so I wasn't imagining things. I built up the courage and shouted "CAN YOU PLEASE STOP THAT". He replied 'stop what?'. I then shouted even louder "WILL YOU TAKE YOUR HAND OFF MY BUM RIGHT NOW". Guess what his reply was...? "oh, sorry". He did take his hand away though. The worst thing about this is that I then had to stand next to him on the crowded tube for another three stops. I was fuming. What a disgusting man.

I am proud of myself though. This is about the eighth time a man has done something like this to me on the tube. I've always just kept quiet and moved away. This time I wanted to embarrass him (although he didn't seem too bothered). I will never keep quiet again though, you never know they might think you like it if you don't say anything. It's just shocking how many disgusting men there are out there.

Anyway, this weekend was ace. Jade, Fern and Kirsty visited me for the weekend and we had a right adventure! Starting off in Sushi Samba for a glass of wine, then a stroll round Spitalfields market, then lots of dancing, sausage eating and mulled wine drinking at Winter Wonderland. THEN, we went to Shoreditch for a night out (yes, this was all in one day). This is the mess I had to deal with on the bus:

And this is the mess I had to deal with in the outside area of the Dolphin in Hackney.

The best quotes from the weekend were as follows:
Fern = "To be fair I did used to have a thing for Bart Simpson"
Kirsty = "Gina, have you got an adaptor?" (yes that's right she thought her visit to London meant she'd need to use a plug adaptor...)

I wouldn't change them for the world.

xx

Rule No.62: Just because it's fluffy it doesn't make it OK

It's my last night.

NOOO! I don't want to go home.

That is supposed to be my crying face, but the dog got in the way. 

My dad is also crying. 

Well, he's actually yawning, but it looks like he's crying...

Today we went to the mall. I could have spent thousands of dollars, but instead I was a massive granny. I bought a towel and a jumper. Who goes to America and buys a towel? 

It was just so fluffy and I liked the shade of pink. Plus, it was $7, bargain! 

I nearly bought a Martha Stewart throw too, which was on offer. However, I stopped myself before my false teeth fell out.

The ice hockey game last night was a lot of fun. To get into the spirit I borrowed my sister in laws 'Carolina Hurricanes' hat, bought a foam finger and I bought a pumpkin beer. It was great, despite our team losing. 

The pumpkin beer was tasty though. I think it was pretty strong as I kept getting the giggles. Either that or pumpkin gives you the giggles (slightly ironic for Halloween). 

I also went to the zoo yesterday and I had my first ever circus experience today. I now want to be an acrobat. I might start with the less risky moves, like hula hooping. Then I'll go on to the trapeze. 

In other news, one of the guys from Tinder added me on Facebook the other day and we've been chatting. He asked me if the word 'oi' means yes. Can you believe Americans don't use 'oi'? I'm pretty sure I use the word at least once an hour. Weird. 

On that note, I'm going to leave you with some top American facts (mainly food related). Most are actually my personal opinion:

1) Cook-Out has the best milkshakes

2) Blue Moon is the best beer 

3) Traders Joes has the best New York style cheesecake 

4) The postman drives to each house and puts the post in the mail box through his van window. Therefore, the drivers seat is on the right hand side

5) Americans don't understand the English accent when you ask for a glass of water 

6) Around autumn everything seems to be pumpkin flavour, and around Christmas everything turns to peppermint 

There's plenty more, but I'm tired and can't think. 

Good night and speak to you when I'm back in England! 

P.S. Can you believe how good I have been at looking after babies? Who would have thought it. 

I'm like a mix of Dr Dolittle and Mary Poppins. 

Not quite. 

X 

Rule No.48: You don't want to be Einstein

I am actually dieting.

Look!

Mushroom soup with chicken... Despite the grey colour, it was actually pretty nice.

You'll be even more proud of me, there were some coconut macaroons in my office and I made myself eat dried apricots instead.

I have also planned to stop spending so much money on food and alcohol, and to actually start saving for a house like a grown up. I think I'm becoming mature.

Round of applause please.
 

In other news, I got chatted up by a guy in M&S yesterday, he said he liked my tshirt. It had a big dinosaur on it, which is not so grown up I know. 

He was actually pretty fit and was Spanish looking, which I like. Nothing happened though obviously, I just said thank you and walked away like an idiot.

I realised today that I let good looking guys get away with more. A rather handsome chap was on the tube this morning and he had his newspaper in my face. He was also leaning on me, which was uncomfortable and every time he turned the page of his newspaper it brushed my nose. I didn't get annoyed though because I fancied him. Therefore, good looking men get away with more. That's my theory anyway, not that I'm Einstein. If I was Einstein I'd be getting a helicopter to work. Actually, I wouldn't be going to work I'd be at home bathing in my very large heated swimming pool with half naked butlers serving me piña coladas.

Actually, if I was being realistic, I would be dead. 

On the topic of good looking men (not including Einstein), I had to rearrange the folders on my desktop today so I could see Joseph Gordon-Levitt's face. 

I think I love him.

I'm going to leave you with some exciting news. I am an AUNTY! (again). My niece was born on the 1st of October. Unfortunately, I'll have to wait 6 weeks until I get to see her because my brother lives in North Carolina, but I'm so excited!

Eek.

Have a lovely Wednesday x

Rule No. 45: Be yourself, everyone else is already taken

This weekend I spent 24 hours without a mobile phone. It was hell.

Ever since I organised Jeans for Genes Day at work on Friday and raised £49 for charity (not too bad), I have had bad karma. What is that about? It's not supposed to work like that, surely?

Not only did I break a mirror yesterday, but I got my phone stolen on Friday night. This meant that for 24 hours I was without a phone, which led to the below:

1) I couldn't check my Facebook when on the move (torture)

2) I couldn't take photos of my friends when we were out

3) I got lost and couldn't use maps on my phone...I had to ask a man in a petrol station for directions

4) My friends panicked where I was when I got lost. They were worried I had been murdered as I was over an hour late and couldn't contact them

5) I couldn't have my usual hungover phone conversations with Abi and Aimee

6) I couldn't phone my mum

8) I couldn't check Snapchat

9) I couldn't Tweet about my hangover

10) I couldn't check whether anyone had messaged me on Tinder

However, there were some good things:

1) I didn't drunk text anyone on Friday night

2) I didn't take horrific drunken photographs of myself or anyone else 

3) I didn't wake up with the dreaded 'oh no, who did I phone/text last night' panic

Aimee found my phone in the toilets of a bar we were in so I did actually get it back on Saturday. I'm not sure why someone took it out of my bag and then left it in the toilets, but oh well. I know what you're thinking...I was sober when it was taken from my bag, and no it wasn't me that left it in the toilet. I'm not that silly. I don't think.

The boy situation is still extremely disappointing. Although, a guy did tell me he liked my mole on Friday night. 

He could have said anything, 'I like your eyes', 'your face, 'your hair'...but no, my bloody mole. My friend Jo used to draw faces on my mole when we were at school, she would then point at me and say 'moley, moley, moley'.  Some would say this was bullying. 

I have reconstructed the mole face for you.

Yes, I am wearing a onesie.

I am actually going to have a shower in a minute as I have a fire poi lesson, so I'm not planning on being lazy all day... However, I would love to just sit in my onesie and listen to the new Arctic Monkeys album all day. It's so unbelievably good. I think 'Knee Socks' and 'Snap Out Of It' are my favourite tracks. I always want to break out into a dance when I'm listening to 'Snap Out Of It' on the tube.

I'm going to leave you with something I saw yesterday. I was sitting on a wall in the Tesco car park (as you do) and a couple in their 40s came out of Tesco and just left their trolley in the middle of the car park. They were too lazy to push it another 10 metres to the trolley station. Then, a little girl who was probably only about 5 years old came out of Tesco with her mum. She saw the trolley and went up to it. Her mum told her to leave it alone, but she didn't listen, she pushed the trolley over to the trolley station and put it away like it was supposed to. This just shows that some children have more common sense, manners and decency than adults. We can learn a lot from kids. 

Oscar Wilde created today's rule, and I believe he has a very good point. Be yourself. 

Even if you're a complete weirdo.

Peace x

Rule No.44: Just give men what they want

Today I went for an Alex Turner (from Arctic Monkeys) and Ugly Betty look.

I'm sure you can work out which pic is which look.

I feel a bit manly to be honest.

I've decided I'm going to lose weight for the Cosmopolitan Ultimate Women of the Year Awards in December. There's usually people from XFactor there and I've witnessed quite a few fit guys in the auditions (the guy from Next of Kin). Therefore, I need to look my best so I can make them fall in love with me.

If you fancy winning tickets you can enter a competition by putting your face on the front of Cosmo. Click this link. Then we can hunt for the fit guys together - 'girls on tour (hunt)'.

The diet isn't going too bad so far. Although, I am eating an Oreo as I type this. Abi has also left a cheesecake in my fridge so I feel like I HAVE to eat some every night until it goes. However, everything else I eat consists of vegetables and soup. I was also going to go to the gym last night. I thought my gym kit was under my desk so I was going to go straight after work, but 'unfortunately' I had left it under my bed. I couldn't go. Devastated...

In other news I've got a bit of an addiction to drinking out of this mug at the moment. Although, no one in the office has even been a slightly bit concerned, which is a bit offensive.

Is it THAT obvious that I wouldn't be pregnant?

I look so tired! I think this picture proves (not including the mug) that I need a man to take me on a romantic holiday.

Not that I have any chance of that happening. In fact I don't think any women would at the moment now that the new Grand Theft Auto game is out.

I can't help but wonder why the advertisers decided to use this image on the posters:

 

???

 

It's a bit pointless surely? They've had to use an 'iFruit' logo which looks RIDICULOUS. Why don't they just have the girl in a bikini and give the guys what they want...?

 

Anyway, I'm now going to eat some broccoli.

 

x

Rule No.40: Always take something to do on a train

I think I'm turning into a man.

I thought learning fire poi would make my arms more toned, but they just keep getting more and more muscley.

I am like the HULK.

Maybe I should be a wrestler.

I've also discovered that I'm pretty much a professional moth squatter now. The girls couldn't believe how quickly (and bravely) I killed a moth with my bare hand last night. They all roared with laughter. However, if they had seen my maggot infested kitchen last week then they would realise why I have such a hatred for moths. Say that, I should consider being the next Bear Grylls... 'Moth Grylls'? (as well as a wrestler). 

Last night I was at Lauren and George's house. They have just bought their first house together, which is VERY exciting. We spent the whole evening drinking gin, eating pizza, crisps and cookies. Then we played some hilarious games (although we did get quite competitive and moody at one point). I recommend everyone download the App 'Heads Up', it's so funny. Everyone has to act out the word on your phone, which you place on your forehead. Then it films everyone acting it out whilst you guess the word.

FYI, trying to act out a stingray is pretty hard...you end up looking like a skunk.

This morning I felt pretty fresh considering the amount of gin I consumed. Say that, I don't think I was totally with it as I managed to create a cloud of smoke in my parents kitchen. Although, I shouldn't take all the blame, it was also the toast's fault.

I had to throw it outside because it nearly caught on fire. Stupid thing. All it had to do is go a little bit brown and crispy. 

I'm currently sat on a train back to London. The train driver has announced that we are going to be stuck in Milton Keynes until the signal problems have been fixed (they've been broken for over two hours). I can't tell you how much this upsets me. I really wanted to get home early tonight so I could paint my nails and watch crap TV. 

I don't seem to have good luck with trains at the moment. I went to Birmingham yesterday with my guy mates and we ran and missed two trains.  How we managed to do that I do not know, but you're welcome to call us muppets (or something a bit harsher). 

Luckily I have something to do on this delayed train (apart from writing this blog). Shock, horror, I am SEWING. That's right boys I can sew buttons on to things. Not such a turn off now am I? 

Form an orderly queue please. 

Talking of men. A band from LA just started following me on Twitter. I couldn't help but notice they were very good looking. So I told them. Obviously. 

They favourited it, so it's not too weird...

Gina, also known as the PREDATOR. 

Goodbye 

X 

Rule No.28: Don't go on a boat with a hangover

You are going to LOVE what happened to me last night. 

To give you the background story...on Tuesday night Heather and I got chatting to the pianist, and I gave him the link to my blog. We were also discussing our favourite songs, where mine has always been Tracy Chapman - Fast Car. 

Last night after dinner Heather and I went to go and watch the pianist (as we are his groupies). After a few songs he said "my next song is from a movie from Great Britain, based on the most beautiful girl on the island...Bridget Jones". 

!!!!!!

THEN he played Tracy Chapman - Fast Car..."this is for Gina". 

!!!!!

Of course (with a slightly red face) I sang my heart out to Tracy. A German woman sitting opposite to me was also singing along. She then started singing along whilst looking at me and awkwardly we sang together. It was a special moment...well it felt special after a bottle of Prosecco. 

We then sang Take That together. 

Oh god, I'm dreading bumping into her. 

CRINGE.

This morning (after my daily croissant with nutella) we had a boat ride across the lake to Limone. Oh dear. The boat was so crowded we were like sardines, and I got split up from Heather. 

I was having to stop myself being sick for a whole hour. It was TERRIBLE. Boats and hangovers are not a great combination. 

However, Limone is a beautiful place so I soon felt happy again. It's also famous for making Limoncello, so I obviously bought a big bottle. 

It's probably not big enough to be honest. 

Look at my pretty photos:

We're out partying tonight so wish me some Italian men hunting luck. 

X 

Rule No.27: Always find a spoon

I'm a little concerned that we now have a reputation at the hotel. I keep getting smirks from the other guests around the swimming pool. We just can't help but sing along to the pianist at night time. I think it's a mixture of too much Prosecco and too much excitement. He even played Take That last night, and Boyzone!! I bloody love Boyzone. 

The pianist also gave a shout out to the 'girls from Great Britain' so we are now officially groupies. 

I'm not sure I helped my reputation when I sat eating my yoghurt with a lid from a bottle. 

I couldn't find a spoon and it was a coconut yoghurt. I couldn't control myself. 

I am officially getting a tan. Check out my tanned legs compared to my slippers. 

Yeeeeeaaaaa.

It is ridiculously cloudy today though and we're expecting thunderstorms so you can't hate me too much. Say that, you're at work and I'm not. Haaa haaa. 

Seriously though, check out the dark cloud.

So I discovered last night that 'Gina' is a really old fashioned name, and in Italy that's what your grandma is likely to be called. I have to say I'm slightly disappointed. That can't be very attractive to the Italian men. I'm basically saying "Hi I'm Mildred". 

Check these pics out. I climbed the bell tower this morning and the view was incredible. 

Right I'm off to order a piña colada. 

Ciao x 

Rule No.26: Alcohol does not make you a good singer

Well this morning was awkward.

Last night Heather and I had a little too much Prosecco. 

There was a pianist playing on the roof terrace of our hotel, and he was playing some classics...Robbie Williams - Angels, Elvis Costello - She, and a bit of Enrique. 

He thought we were great and kept laughing at our amazing singing and dancing attempt. However, this morning at breakfast we had to do the walk of shame. Half of the hotel had seen our disastrous moves. I don't think we gave the Brits a good reputation. Apologies. 

The waiter at dinner thought we were idiots too. The food was incredible, but after four courses we were so unbelievably full. However, we still wanted to try the desserts. The waiter came over to our table and attempted to say 'would you like dessert?'. However, with his Italian accent 'desserta' sounded like 'starter'. 

You should have seen our faces...

"STARTER???"

I don't think I have ever been so afraid of food before. Luckily he had meant dessert and I demolished the best creme brûlée EVER. It was incredible. 

I am going to have to go on the starvation diet when I'm back in England. 

Unfortunately there are still no Italian men stories. They all wear budgie smugglers and it upsets me a little bit. 

Maybe tonight when they're wearing clothes I might have a little shark around some bars. We are planning to find someone that owns a yacht... Well we may as well aim high to begin with. 

Hope you like my posh robe. 

X 

Rule No.25: You have to go to Lake Garda

OMG it is incredible here. This is the view from our pool...

Could it get any better? Well I suppose it  could if there was a hot man in the photo and my Piña Colada was a bit bigger. 

Also, please notice the man posing in this picture. 

What a hunky fella...oh dear.

Unfortunately I haven't seen many fit men yet (except for the man in the photo obviously), but I have only been here a few hours. I should probably calm down. 

Our flight was really easy despite having to get up at 4am. I spent pretty much the whole flight listening to Nickelback, which was a bit odd, but I enjoyed myself. 

When we were about to land the plane had to quickly go back up again. Heather was screaming all over the place. I had to give her a stern telling off to calm her down (it probably didn't help). Basically the plane before us had hit a bird (R.I.P) when landing so they had to clear the runway. 

We then felt it was only right to shout loudly 'there will be two other birds landing soon as well'...obviously referring to ourselves. 

We found it funny anyway. 

I think you'll be pretty impressed with the size of my suitcase. 

I seem to pack like a man. Either that or my bag is like Mary Poppins bag. 

I hope you also noticed my pink nail varnish.

This is me eating cheesecake really elegantly in Manchester last night. 

Yea I know, I'm sexy. 

Speak tomorrow x 

Rule No.24: Having your mum on Facebook is dangerous

This is going to be a cracking post.

I spent the whole of last night emptying my room as my landlord is painting the walls and changing the carpet whilst I'm in Italy. This is the before and after shot of my four hour emptying session: 

I did not enjoy myself. 

Then I had to pack. I hate packing. However, my housemate went out to get us a bottle of red wine, which made everything seem a lot more enjoyable. Probably because I was pretty drunk after half a bottle. 

In the past 24 hours my mum has been a bit of a devil (I do still love you mum). First of all she private messaged me on Facebook to tell me she thinks my blog is going to lead to me being single forever. She has got a point. However, she then went on to say that she thinks if I was to meet somone he would be like Matt Lucas. 

I'm hoping she just means his personality. 

THEN she changed her status to the below and TAGGED me in it. 

Oh the shame. 

If she describes me as a 'free spirit' surely it implies that she thinks I'm a bit of a slut?? Thanks mum, that's really going to do me some favours. 

Oh god, I am actually going to be single forever. 

Maybe I should buy a cat now?

Maybe I should start playing drums in a band so I can get the lead singer to fall in love with me, like the little boy did in Love Actually? 

Maybe I should run away to Thailand and get a Thai groom? 

Actually, since I'm going to Italy tomorrow morning I might just stuff an Italian man in my suitcase back to England. 

I'm on an Italian man mission. 

My next post will be from Italy! 

Ciao x