Rule No.47: Maybe you should actually make an effort to look nice

Alright, clever clogs I have now realised that I can actually use my railcard until I'm 26. Thank you to everyone for letting me know.

Well, we have a lot to catch up on.
 

First of all, I thought I was going to marry Harry Styles on Thursday, but turned out it was a false alarm. A colleague had rang to tell me that One Direction were on Carnaby Street. I ran out of the office door faster than a cheetah chasing its prey. I was so nervous to meet them that I actually thought I was going to faint, my hands were so clammy my phone nearly slid out of my hand. When I got there I was told the horrendous news that it was just a blogger the girls were screaming for. I just don't understand why they were randomly chanting 'One Direction'. Thanks for that girls, I nearly died from excitement/nerves/running in front of cars. 

I would just like to announce that my electric tooth brush has changed my life. My gnashers are whiter than ever before and I feel like my need for fillings has dramatically reduced. Take that dentist, you won't be drilling my teeth anytime soon (mainly because I am going to refuse to go for a while). Too expensive and I always have a horrible time. Life is too short to have a horrible time.

In other news, it is a well-known fact that midlanders and northeners are ridiculously nice people (ignoring all the chavy ones). Last night I went out in Birmingham for Jade's birthday, I had to get the train straight after work so I hadn't had chance to eat. I stopped in a Tesco Express and made a fat girl choice to buy a pack of strawberry glazed doughnuts. After sharing them with the girls I still had one left so I decided to offer it to the bouncer of the Jam House (I am nice like that). He thanked me, but said he doesn't eat carbs (weirdo). I then offered it to the girl on the reception desk, but she didn't want it either (why is everyone else so healthy?). However, she took it from me and offered to look after it until I leave.

As I was striding out with elegance (drunkenly staggering) at 2am leaving to go home the bouncer came over and gave me my doughnut. The girl had left it next to him so he wouldn't forget to give it to me on way out. What a legend.

The doughnut then disappeared as three hungry vultures shared it.

 

Tonight I'm going for a curry with my parents and I can't wait. I might for once have something different and not just have the usual Korma as I feel I need to explore new dishes. I haven't eaten since breakfast to prepare myself for the curry binge. I will no doubt be using my finger to push the peshwari naan into my mouth - always a good sign that you're eating too much when you have to physically push the food in.

 

I am actually going to leave you with a nice photo for once. I was on a shoot yesterday and I got the makeup artist to glam me up for my night out in Birmingham. I don't think people are used to seeing a photo where I'm actually posing nicely and not doing a peace sign, jumping in the air, drinking wine... I've had 60 likes on Facebook. Wowza!

 

Good bye x

Rule No.46: Don't turn 25

I'm turning 25 in a few weeks and I already feel like it's going to be the start of something terrible. I have a smear test booked for the day after my birthday (vom). Not only this, but I will no longer be able to use my young persons railcard, which means I will have to pay FULL PRICE for my train tickets.

Can it get any worse?

Yes, but I can't think of any other reasons why yet...

It definitely won't get any better on the guy front anyway. Especially if I keep scaring guys off. I messaged a guy on Tinder last night saying 'I am a hippy'.

I blame gin. 

I'm obviously not a hippy, but after consuming a lot of gin and after spinning fire poi for three hours I began to believe that I was.

Look at me!

Interestingly though, the Tinder guy actually replied and asked me out for a drink. Maybe he likes hippies... I on the other hand don't want to go for a drink with him, so I haven't replied.

That's right Jay-Z, I have 99 problems and guys are definitely one. In fact,  I have many guy related problems:

1) I very rarely like anyone
2) I get put off easily (e.g. if they like Branston Pickle)
3) When I do like someone, they don't like me

4) When someone likes me, I don't like them
5) I send guys random messages thinking I'm funny, but actually they just think I'm a weirdo
6) I attract weirdos (yes I do realise that I have just referred to myself as a weirdo too)
7) I'm genuinely scared I have bigger muscles than a lot of guys

The diet isn't getting any better either.

My colleague bought us some biscuits this afternoon and my director PURPOSELY put them on my desk. 

I don't think I did too badly. I had one Rich Tea biscuit, one Viscount and two Fingers. It could have been a lot worse.

I am definitely impressed with myself for not eating a Hobnob.

Right, I'm off to bed.

Guten nacht x

Rule No. 45: Be yourself, everyone else is already taken

This weekend I spent 24 hours without a mobile phone. It was hell.

Ever since I organised Jeans for Genes Day at work on Friday and raised £49 for charity (not too bad), I have had bad karma. What is that about? It's not supposed to work like that, surely?

Not only did I break a mirror yesterday, but I got my phone stolen on Friday night. This meant that for 24 hours I was without a phone, which led to the below:

1) I couldn't check my Facebook when on the move (torture)

2) I couldn't take photos of my friends when we were out

3) I got lost and couldn't use maps on my phone...I had to ask a man in a petrol station for directions

4) My friends panicked where I was when I got lost. They were worried I had been murdered as I was over an hour late and couldn't contact them

5) I couldn't have my usual hungover phone conversations with Abi and Aimee

6) I couldn't phone my mum

8) I couldn't check Snapchat

9) I couldn't Tweet about my hangover

10) I couldn't check whether anyone had messaged me on Tinder

However, there were some good things:

1) I didn't drunk text anyone on Friday night

2) I didn't take horrific drunken photographs of myself or anyone else 

3) I didn't wake up with the dreaded 'oh no, who did I phone/text last night' panic

Aimee found my phone in the toilets of a bar we were in so I did actually get it back on Saturday. I'm not sure why someone took it out of my bag and then left it in the toilets, but oh well. I know what you're thinking...I was sober when it was taken from my bag, and no it wasn't me that left it in the toilet. I'm not that silly. I don't think.

The boy situation is still extremely disappointing. Although, a guy did tell me he liked my mole on Friday night. 

He could have said anything, 'I like your eyes', 'your face, 'your hair'...but no, my bloody mole. My friend Jo used to draw faces on my mole when we were at school, she would then point at me and say 'moley, moley, moley'.  Some would say this was bullying. 

I have reconstructed the mole face for you.

Yes, I am wearing a onesie.

I am actually going to have a shower in a minute as I have a fire poi lesson, so I'm not planning on being lazy all day... However, I would love to just sit in my onesie and listen to the new Arctic Monkeys album all day. It's so unbelievably good. I think 'Knee Socks' and 'Snap Out Of It' are my favourite tracks. I always want to break out into a dance when I'm listening to 'Snap Out Of It' on the tube.

I'm going to leave you with something I saw yesterday. I was sitting on a wall in the Tesco car park (as you do) and a couple in their 40s came out of Tesco and just left their trolley in the middle of the car park. They were too lazy to push it another 10 metres to the trolley station. Then, a little girl who was probably only about 5 years old came out of Tesco with her mum. She saw the trolley and went up to it. Her mum told her to leave it alone, but she didn't listen, she pushed the trolley over to the trolley station and put it away like it was supposed to. This just shows that some children have more common sense, manners and decency than adults. We can learn a lot from kids. 

Oscar Wilde created today's rule, and I believe he has a very good point. Be yourself. 

Even if you're a complete weirdo.

Peace x

Rule No.44: Just give men what they want

Today I went for an Alex Turner (from Arctic Monkeys) and Ugly Betty look.

I'm sure you can work out which pic is which look.

I feel a bit manly to be honest.

I've decided I'm going to lose weight for the Cosmopolitan Ultimate Women of the Year Awards in December. There's usually people from XFactor there and I've witnessed quite a few fit guys in the auditions (the guy from Next of Kin). Therefore, I need to look my best so I can make them fall in love with me.

If you fancy winning tickets you can enter a competition by putting your face on the front of Cosmo. Click this link. Then we can hunt for the fit guys together - 'girls on tour (hunt)'.

The diet isn't going too bad so far. Although, I am eating an Oreo as I type this. Abi has also left a cheesecake in my fridge so I feel like I HAVE to eat some every night until it goes. However, everything else I eat consists of vegetables and soup. I was also going to go to the gym last night. I thought my gym kit was under my desk so I was going to go straight after work, but 'unfortunately' I had left it under my bed. I couldn't go. Devastated...

In other news I've got a bit of an addiction to drinking out of this mug at the moment. Although, no one in the office has even been a slightly bit concerned, which is a bit offensive.

Is it THAT obvious that I wouldn't be pregnant?

I look so tired! I think this picture proves (not including the mug) that I need a man to take me on a romantic holiday.

Not that I have any chance of that happening. In fact I don't think any women would at the moment now that the new Grand Theft Auto game is out.

I can't help but wonder why the advertisers decided to use this image on the posters:

 

???

 

It's a bit pointless surely? They've had to use an 'iFruit' logo which looks RIDICULOUS. Why don't they just have the girl in a bikini and give the guys what they want...?

 

Anyway, I'm now going to eat some broccoli.

 

x

Rule No. 43: Don't get upset, boys are like dinosaurs

I didn't end up going to the silent speed dating on Friday night. I couldn't face the awkwardness when all I wanted to do was go home and lie down. I love lying down. So I went home and watched a film in bed whilst eating a BBQ chicken pizza with a ridiculous amount of garlic dip.

Heaven.

I doubt I would have met the love of my life anyway...especially when all I could do was mime or make noises. I would have got nervous and started snorting like a pig.

I know it's strange, but I'm so glad it's been raining recently. I'm one of those weirdos that actually quite likes the cold. Plus, when it's raining the ducks are happy, the plants are happy, the clouds are happy to be lighter and I'm happy to be inside nice and dry. Of course I agree that being outside sucks, especially without an umbrella, but when people are outside and you're inside it's amazing.

For once I didn't go out Saturday night, Abi came over and I sat with my 'I Love Porn' tshirt on, my harem trousers that I bought in Thailand, socks with holes in that I should have thrown out years ago and my big red fluffy dressing gown on that makes me look like a big giant tomato. We watched XFactor, Through The Keyhole and Starter For 10, and drank red wine. 

Earlier on in the evening I practised my fire poi so I did actually leave the house for a bit.  The only problem with fire poi is it makes me look like a car mechanic afterwards. I smell like one too.

In other news, I have come to the conclusion that men have become extinct. The reason I have come to this conclusion is because I know at least three friends that have been texting/dating a guy, and the guy has all of a sudden stopped texting them (for no reason as far as they know). Therefore, I think they might be like dinosaurs, they must have all died. That's the only thing I can think of. Why else would they stop contacting them? My friends are awesome. 

Boys are a weird species. 

I was supposed to be going on a date today, which didn't happen. Not sure why. Again, boys are weird. However, I'm glad it got cancelled because I look like Rudolph.

For now my plug in air freshener is going to be the only thing in my room that smells like a man. I didn't actually realise it was going to smell like a man when I bought it, but I'm pleasantly surprised. I know that sounds creepy, but it is nice coming home from work and having a manly smell in my room.

OMG I'M SUCH A WEIRDO.  

As well as looking like a red nosed reindeer, I've also noticed recently that I have eyes like a cow. 

Surely you can see where I'm coming from?!

Night x

Rule No. 42: Don't say yes to things you know you won't want to do

This is another one of those 'I'm sorry I haven't blogged for days' posts.

I'M SORRY.

I had a shoot yesterday and didn't get home until after 9pm. I was so tired I consumed half a packet of haloumi and then passed out. On the plus side, after over 8 hours sleep (very rare for me) I feel ridiculously awake today.

The shoot went really well though. We were shooting three real readers and dyeing their hair bright colours - red, purple and pink dip-dye. All of the readers were amazing on camera, and they looked so great that I had to get the makeup artist to give me a makeover so I didn't feel too depressed standing next to them.

Check out Lorna's incredible dip-dye: 

She's off to be a fresher at Bournemouth Uni on Sunday so she'll definitely be making a statement!

I helped direct the shoot yesterday and I was pretty impressed with myself. I also went out to get everyone sweets and chocolate in the afternoon. I think I became everyones best friend when I came back with Haribo, Oreos, Peanut M&Ms and Giant Jelly Snakes (mainly so that I could eat them).

I also helped the stylist decide what each reader should wear on the shoot. When doing so I also found something that I liked...  (please ignore the horrible selfie)
 

It makes me look fierce and I like the fact I'll probably scare children. I doubt it will help me attract men though. However, I am thinking it could be a conversation starter...

On to today:

It's Friday the 13th, but so far it's been a pretty good day. Subway sent us bacon sandwiches this morning so obviously that has made me extremely happy. However, I've got silent speed dating tonight and I REALLY don't want to go (yes it's speed dating in silence...you can only mime). I have to go because I can't let my friend down, but I'm nearly crying just thinking about it. I just want to go home and watch Notting Hill, and finish the tub of Ben & Jerry's that's in the freezer.

I'll update you tomorrow on how it goes. Sob.

x

Rule No. 41: Never leave the house when you look horrible

It's typical that you bump into everyone you know when you're looking your worst.

On the way to my fire poi lesson last night I bumped into two people I hadn't seen for ages. I also saw a guy that's a bit of an ex...why did I see him for the first time in months when I'm wearing really scruffy jeans, a creased Uni hoody that's six years old with holes in it, and my hair scraped back with no make up on?!

I obviously acted like I hadn't seen him so he didn't have to see my spotty face up close, but from the corner of my eye I could see him staring at me. Probably nearly vomiting and thinking 'why did I ever go there?'

Although, I can't have looked as horrendous as I felt because a younger, spottier version of Richie from Bottom growled at me when he walked past. GROWLED!

It might not have been a 'sexual' growl though, it could have been an angry growl. Or, maybe he just likes growling?

So my diet officially started yesterday. Although, I did eat a croissant for breakfast and some Minstrels after lunch, so technically the diet started from 3pm. It has now been over 24 hours and I am still on track. 

I am also going to the gym tomorrow. Well I thought I better go before they start sending out a search party.

In other news the Cosmo Lingerie Show tickets are now on sale. I'm ridiculously excited because I helped organise the show, and it's held at One Marylebone, which is a great venue. Although, the last time I was there for the Inside Soap Awards a random man came up to me and told me that 'we were the ugly ones in the room'. Apparently this is a guys way of flirting (?), but all it did was shatter my confidence and it made me want to kick him where it hurts. Especially as I'd actually made an effort to look nice that night. Thanks pal! 

My friends found it hilarious. 

I was meant to go to a film preview tonight for Powder Room, but I got ridiculously lost and missed the first half of the film. Therefore, Aimee and I decided to go to the Jade Garden in Chinatown instead. We were really disappointed to have missed the film so we ate lots of dumplings and prawn crackers to make us feel better. 

OK so I lied. The diet is not on track. 

I'm sorry for lying.

X 

P.S. Cadbury's are releasing a bar with Daim in it. I hope you're as excited as me. I WANT IT IN MY MOUTH NOW.

Rule No.40: Always take something to do on a train

I think I'm turning into a man.

I thought learning fire poi would make my arms more toned, but they just keep getting more and more muscley.

I am like the HULK.

Maybe I should be a wrestler.

I've also discovered that I'm pretty much a professional moth squatter now. The girls couldn't believe how quickly (and bravely) I killed a moth with my bare hand last night. They all roared with laughter. However, if they had seen my maggot infested kitchen last week then they would realise why I have such a hatred for moths. Say that, I should consider being the next Bear Grylls... 'Moth Grylls'? (as well as a wrestler). 

Last night I was at Lauren and George's house. They have just bought their first house together, which is VERY exciting. We spent the whole evening drinking gin, eating pizza, crisps and cookies. Then we played some hilarious games (although we did get quite competitive and moody at one point). I recommend everyone download the App 'Heads Up', it's so funny. Everyone has to act out the word on your phone, which you place on your forehead. Then it films everyone acting it out whilst you guess the word.

FYI, trying to act out a stingray is pretty hard...you end up looking like a skunk.

This morning I felt pretty fresh considering the amount of gin I consumed. Say that, I don't think I was totally with it as I managed to create a cloud of smoke in my parents kitchen. Although, I shouldn't take all the blame, it was also the toast's fault.

I had to throw it outside because it nearly caught on fire. Stupid thing. All it had to do is go a little bit brown and crispy. 

I'm currently sat on a train back to London. The train driver has announced that we are going to be stuck in Milton Keynes until the signal problems have been fixed (they've been broken for over two hours). I can't tell you how much this upsets me. I really wanted to get home early tonight so I could paint my nails and watch crap TV. 

I don't seem to have good luck with trains at the moment. I went to Birmingham yesterday with my guy mates and we ran and missed two trains.  How we managed to do that I do not know, but you're welcome to call us muppets (or something a bit harsher). 

Luckily I have something to do on this delayed train (apart from writing this blog). Shock, horror, I am SEWING. That's right boys I can sew buttons on to things. Not such a turn off now am I? 

Form an orderly queue please. 

Talking of men. A band from LA just started following me on Twitter. I couldn't help but notice they were very good looking. So I told them. Obviously. 

They favourited it, so it's not too weird...

Gina, also known as the PREDATOR. 

Goodbye 

X 

Rule No. 39: Don't get your eyebrows tinted in a public place

I got told I look like Eva Mendes today. BOOM! What a great Friday. It was made even greater by eating a bacon sandwich and drinking red wine for most of the evening...I don't think I'm drunk yet.

I've not long arrived in Coventry as I'm staying at my parents house this weekend. I feel so relaxed already, I always seem to sleep better at my parents house. It's probably because I know I don't have to get up for work or do any washing or tidying the next day (no matter how much my dad tries to get me to do it).

I was also very excited to see this ugly thing.

He actually looks cute here, but trust me, he isn't.

Taz has always been a stupid dog, but now he's 13 he's REALLY STUPID. For example, tonight he spent a good ten minutes trying to use his paw and tongue (alternately) to get to a dog biscuit that was stuck underneath some drawers in the kitchen. I eventually thought I'd be a good mother and move the drawers so he could get to it. Any normal dog would be like 'YEEESSSS (woof) I can now get to the biscuit (woof)'. Nope, not my dog. He trotted away. YOU STUPID DOG. I then pointed to the biscuit and called him over, but he just stood there like I was telling him a really boring story about plants (or something equally as boring). What an idiot. He did eventually eat it...just to let you know.

It's funny how animals get so excited about food. Like the other day at work, my manager, Sarah (a human) was telling us how she was going to an American restaurant for dinner that night and couldn't wait to have a burger (don't blame her). It was then that she went on to describe how they have sticky toffee milkshakes, she got so excited talking about it that she did a fist pump.

Oh, I loved it. That's true passion for food.

On other work news, the majority of the girls in the office got their eyebrows tinted today. Sandra brought in her kit and treated us all to a free tint. Although, she jokingly told me that she was going to charge me £15. Therefore, with a mouthful of dumpling noodle soup I told her to f**k off. It is probably quite a risky thing to do when someone is holding a dye covered brush in their hand, that they could just smear across your face. Luckily she stayed professional.

However, at first I did look like a mime artist.

 

 

 

 

I look normal now though I promise (well as normal as I will ever look).

 

OK, so I'm sure you're dying to know...yes, I had my date last night. And, I therefore spent Wednesday night doing some last minute squats and sit ups. Well I had to something. I received another email from the gym the other day saying that 'they're worried about me'. Therefore, I thought a last minute attempt to tone up and lose some pounds might be a good idea. Not that I did tone up or lose any pounds.

 

I'm afraid (don't hate me) I'm not going to say much about my date. I'm sorry, I know you want juicy gossip, but let's be honest I'm already risking being single forever when I constantly talk about food, being hungover, being drunk and posting photos of me looking like a mime artist. However, I will tell you this...we have another date (and we kissed).

 

Right, I'm going to drink some more red wine (it's free wine from dad so may as well take advantage).

 

Good night x

 

Rule No. 38: Don't accept flannels off creepy waiters

I feel fat.

Three curry's in under two weeks is quite a lot. I'm supposed to be dieting, or at least trying to.

However, it was really good catching up with Abi, Aimee and Vicki. Even though they got annoyed with me because I wouldn't sit on the tables that were outside. I hate eating outside. It's either too hot and the sun is in your eyes, or it's cold and things are blowing everywhere. And, there's always flies bugging me.

We had our usual catch up chats...work, boys, embarrassing stories... It's Vicki's two year anniversary soon, time has FLOWN BY! We were saying it seemed like yesterday that we were first introduced to her boyfriend at her house party. Aimee shouted 'OMG I was dating chav then' (we nicknamed him chav because, well he was one), and Abi exclaimed 'wow, I was going out with Mark then'.

Guess what I said...

'Yea, I was single then'.

Shock.

We all burst out laughing.

Back to the curry...I always look forward to the hot flannel and mint chocolate at the end just before you get the bill (the worst bit). Although, the flannel smelt a bit musty today, which upset me a little bit. However, it didn't upset me as much as the time I was out for a curry with my parents. The waiter made me pull the flannel out of the plastic wrapping whilst he was holding it. He grabbed it ridiculously tightly so I could only pull the flannel out REALLY slowly. And, he gave me a creepy smile as I pulled the flannel out. I'm pretty sure he was trying to flirt with me in a perverted way. My dad wasn't impressed.

I couldn't look the waiter in the eye afterwards. It gives me creepy shivers just thinking about it.

Moving on.

I am officially a cool person. Abi told me. In fact, Abi said I'm one of the coolest people she knows.

It's all because I had my first fire choreography lesson last night. LOOK!

I am so cool. I wasn't born, I was defrosted.

Peace out.

P.S. Date on Thursday night! 

Rule No.37: Don't pretend you can speak a foreign language

After watching Bridget Jones's Diary, Bridget Jones - The Edge of Reason, Dream Girls and X Factor, and after eating a bacon sandwich, cookies, pasta and Doritos, I finally felt less hungover yesterday.

It was a really good night on Saturday and it was great seeing the uni girls. After the house party (and a lot of gin) we went to The Dolphin in Hackney. I decided that I wanted to be everyone's best friend so I was chatting to EVERYONE and anyone. I got chatting to two guys (both reasonably good looking), one guy was German so I decided to tell him that I speak fluent German. Even though I can hardly speak any... He of course began talking to me in German.

I didn't have a clue.

I just said 'Mein name ist Gina' to at least prove I know a tiny bit.

I then had to embarrassingly admit I was slightly exaggerating when I had said 'fluent'. He laughed, luckily. But, I looked like a right idiot.

I was actually quite proud of myself yesterday, even though I was ridiculously hungover I still managed to do two lots of washing and I even made my friend Sarah a good luck card. She's moving to Bolivia tomorrow, the crazy cat.

I'm so artistic. 

However, on to today...for a Monday morning it has actually been OK. Apart from the DISGUSTING Brazil nut I ate an hour ago. It tasted like mould and the taste was so strong it was making me gag (sorry). I was sitting at my desk so I couldn't just spit it out either. It felt like I was doing a bush tucker trial, I kept chewing really quickly and grabbed my glass of water to help wash it down. It was really really vile, and as you know I'm not very fussy with food. Nevertheless, you'll be glad to know I passed the trial, and I had a Reece's peanut butter cup as a reward (then I had three more).

I'm going to leave you with a video of my hula hoop practise. I am terrible, I move like a hippo.

P.S. I have my first three hour fire poi choreography lesson tonight. Although, I don't trust myself playing with fire for three hours...I've already come to terms with the fact I probably won't have any eyebrows left tomorrow. I've also warned my date that I maybe bald on Thursday.

x