Rule No.74: Don't use the word 'stuff', unless you want to sound stupid

To add to the New Year's resolutions I wrote in my previous post, I have listed below seven things I want to make sure I do this year (I don't think these are the same as New Year's resolutions..?).  Anyway, here it goes: 

1) Go to the cinema (I haven't been since I went to see American Pie the Reunion in 2012)

2) Read at least three Shakespeare plays

3) Learn to understand Shakespeare

Just in case you're interested, the background to this Shakespeare situation is that I met an actor on Saturday night (fit, 6ft2, rather posh, might see again). He was telling me about some plays he has been in recently and I asked him "so do you understand this Shakespeare stuff then?". He laughed, but I suddenly realised how stupid I must have sounded. I've just never 'got' Shakespeare. I might have achieved an A in English Lit, but it's only because of Spark Notes. I couldn't even tell you what any of Shakespeare's plays are about. Except for Romeo and Juliet (obvs). Therefore, I want to read his plays and try to understand what he's talking about. I might even go to watch a couple.

I know, I'm confused too. What is happening to me? Why am I trying to become 'cultured'?

4) Learn to play the ukulele...it's still sitting in my wardrobe after my first attempt at playing it and after throwing a tantrum because it was too hard

5) Join a writing club...well I may as well and there could be potential husbands there

6) Join a film club (this will help with the cinema situation)

7) Start making YouTube videos for my blog 

I think this will be enough for now.

You'll be surprised to hear that I've already planned to go to the cinema tonight, and I joined a film club and a writing club last night. Therefore, I've pretty much done three of them already. Although, I need to actually go to these clubs, just joining doesn't really count.

In other news, there's been another case of extinction. Men have become dinosaurs once again. This time I think it's linked to Christmas. Even Scrooge doesn't like to be alone at Christmas. However, January is the start of the year, the start of new beginnings where guys want to be free to do whatever they want. Is this right guys? I'm just guessing here.

This case of extinction has happened to four people I know in the past week. Whether they had been on one date or six, over Christmas they had been speaking to the guy everyday. Then as the clocks stroke 12 on the 31st of December the extinction begun, soon all males were turning into dinosaurs. 

It's OK if this has happened to you. You're not alone. Plus, I was one of them.

I'm going to call these the Knobowankersaurus Rex.

Right before I go, I will leave you with some weird food.

Exhibit A:

How can you even call this steak? It's like hard vegetable pâté.

Exhibit B:

I just don't even know where to start with these.

Bye x

Rule No.72: A reduced jumper is not more important than family

A belated Merry Christmas! 

Sorry about the lack of Christmas Day posting. It was a busier day than expected. Plus, spending time with family around Christmas is definitely the most important thing to do. No offence blog fans, you know I love you too.

My Christmas day consisted of a lovely walk around the Memorial Park in the morning with my mum, dad and my ugly dog, Taz.

I hope I'm not one of those owners that looks like their dog. If so, shoot me. 

After the walk I worked at a homeless shelter for a few hours, where I helped prepare food, sort out clothing and make a bag of toiletries for each person dropping by the shelter. The bags included shampoo, conditioner, a razor, toothbrush, etc. Everything is donated by the public and it's really heartwarming to see how many people donate. An Indian restaurant had made curry for all of the people staying at the homeless shelter the night before too, which I was pretty jealous of. I LOVE a curry.

I highly recommend volunteering at a homeless shelter over the Christmas period. I usually help out at the The Methodist Church in Coventry, where I help serve the Christmas dinner and sit with the visitors, pull crackers and share stories, etc. This year it was more 'behind the scenes' work and I must say I prefer getting to chat to everyone. However, one thing I have definitely learnt this year is that things people probably don't even think to donate are actually really vital. Things like toothpaste, deodorant and razors.

When I got back to my parents house I had a little nap then we had the best Christmas dinner ever (and lots of wine). After dinner we went to my aunty and uncles house for more food, alcohol and a game of trivial pursuit. It was girls against boys, and the girls lost by one point. I was useless, I didn't help out with a single question. 

Ever since Christmas day I've been drinking all day everyday. I'm starting to think my dad thinks I'm his dustbin for alcohol. He asked me to do him 'a favour' on Boxing day, which included drinking a bottle of wine he didn't like. Obviously I drank it, followed by whisky and Baileys (not at the same time). I think Christmas is the only time you can get away with drinking constantly.

Can you believe people were queuing outside Selfridges from 11pm on Christmas Day for the sales? Is that really what Christmas means to people? Surely, family and friends are much more important than some reduced tshirts?

These are the two main people I've been spending my days with. My amazing nephews.

Anyway, I'm currently at Birmingham airport on my way to Krakow. A 4am alarm was set and my parents drove Jade and I to the airport. What absolute gems!

Yesterday however, I felt like absolute crap. I had four lempsips and lots of oranges so I'm hoping my nose will stop running and I'll stop coughing. Although, it did mean that I was able to sit in bed and do this most of the day.

I hope you have an amazing NYE and I'll catch up when I'm back. That's if I'm alive after all of the vodka I'm going to consume. 

x

Rule No.69: Don't ever wear a jumper without jeans

It's nearly Christmas!

I have three more days of work left, then it's officially time to drink Baileys for breakfast (and see my family). Although, I spoke to my parents earlier today and was told two HORRENDOUS things:

1) We're not opening presents on Christmas day as we're going to wait for my brother and his family to arrive on Boxing Day
2) I don't have any presents

That's right. My Dad said, "well you haven't got any presents to open anyway". This is because my parents gave me money towards a chest of drawers for my bedroom, so now I don't have any presents.

When did being an adult become so rubbish?

Can someone please buy me a present?

I had my work Christmas party on Tuesday, which started with a civilised meal at Whyte and Brown and ended with seven of us going to Lucky Voice for karaoke. This resulted in me 'singing' Lion King songs with Prosecco spilt down my top, whilst wearing a green wig. 

Apart from our terrible singing, one other key thing I remember from the evening is the waiters comment at dinner when he gave me my food... 'oh yes, you do look like a sausage and mash type of girl'. Yes, that's right he actually said that. I nearly threw the sausage at him, but I didn't want to waste the sausage. 

I'm not sure if I was over tired or still drunk, but the next day I made a massive fashion faux pas. For some strange reason I didn't think to wear jeans with my jumper. In my bedroom mirror the jumper looked like a reasonable length. However, as soon as I started walking to the tube station it became rather short. Luckily I had my long beige coat to cover it up. However, I felt like a stripper on the tube. I was trying to keep my coat completely closed so no one could see my thighs. I was too scared to even sit down.

I'm going to break up this text with a mug shot.

                                                                                                             

Monday night I went for dinner with a guy (yes that's right an actual male).  It was raining, but he had a big umbrella (no this is not a euphemism) so there wasn't any need for me to use mine. Therefore, when we left the restaurant it didn't occur to me that I'd left my umbrella at the table. Well, until I had to walk home from the tube station and get completely soaked.

I called the restaurant the next day and they had my umbrella!

The story gets better, I promise.

I went to pick my umbrella up last night, but the waitress couldn't find it. I was obviously fine about it because at the end of the day it was just a £9 umbrella. However, the waitress told the manager and he felt bad so he gave me a £25 voucher to use at the restaurant!!!

I then thought I'd check to see whether I had actually left it in the bar we had gone to afterwards...

The barman went to search the lost property and brought back an umbrella that looked just like mine. I screamed "Yes, that's mine!". Walked out, and halfway down the street realised it wasn't mine. I know at this point I should have gone back and returned it, but it had started to rain and I needed it.

Therefore, despite me accidentally stealing someones umbrella, I have actually done very well here.

Go me!

Night x

Rule No.67: Consider drinking water and not just vodka

On Thursday 5th Dec it was the Cosmopolitan Women of the Year Awards, which were held at the V&A in London. 

I prepared the night before with a face mask.

I wasn't going for the Hannibal Lecter look on purpose.

On the day itself I had my makeup and nails done with a client. I felt pretty pampered for once, I actually looked alright! On arrival I saw McBusted being photographed by the press, but then got distracted by men handing out champagne. This was a problem throughout most of the night.

I did have my photo taken with McBusted though. I went over to them and exclaimed "I'm just so excited you're all here". To which Dougie replied "oh, that's cool". However, we both knew it wasn't cool and I actually sounded like a massive tit. I got a photo anyway. 

We all went to sit down for dinner and the room looked beautiful. 

My photography skills were terrible so I apologise.

I nipped to the toilet before the awards started and met Nicole and half of Little Mix in the queue. Nicole didn't actually queue for the toilet though..she just went straight in. Then again, I saw Paloma Faith go into the mens toilets to skip the queue.

Fair play.

Here I am looking creepy with Scherzy and my friend Mel.

And here I am wanting to look like a Little Mixer.

By the time the awards had finished I had consumed a rather large amount of vodka. This was mainly due to the fact my friend JoJo was pouring me drinks that consisted of half vodka, half lemonade. They were so strong that they tasted vile, so everyone told me just to hold my nose and drink it really quickly. And since I am a massive idiot that's exactly what I did.

Then this photo happened with Harry from McFly... 

It's such a shameful pose, even for me. Ah well, Harry seemed to be getting into it...

The rest of the night consisted of more drinks, lots of dancing and a really good evening. Next year I am going to stay relatively sober though...I'm annoyed at myself that my night is a bit of a blur. Plus, I was sick six times the next morning before having to go to work. It was less than ideal.

Don't worry, I've already given myself a good talking to. 

Anyway, yesterday I saw my mummy!

We went to see Matthew Bourne's Swan Lake, which was incredible! My mum had been given a ticket to see the show as she used to make costumes for Andy Monaghan who was the Prince. Therefore, I decided to buy a ticket so I could go along too. However, this meant I was sitting on my own (you'll understand the relevance of this in a minute).

I was planning to meet my mum at the theatre at 2pm, but due to an EXTREMELY slow tube I didn't get there until 2.45pm. The show had started at 2.30pm so the theatre staff let me in during a scene change, but it was pitch black and I couldn't see where I was going. Typically my seat was right in the middle of the row so I had to make everyone stand up so I could walk to the middle. This was until I got to a man who refused to stand up to let me past. The only way I could get past him was to physically climb over him, which I obviously couldn't do. Therefore, I was stuck. People started moaning and saying 'this is ridiculous'. I didn't know what to do. 

I had no choice but to sit where I was. I couldn't get 15 people to stand up for me again. Luckily for me a kind woman let me have her seat and her two children (who were actually in their 20s had to share a seat). It was awful. When it got to the interval the kind woman, one of her children and six women over the age of sixty that were sitting in the row behind me all shouted at the horrible man. It was funny, all of the moaning and the 'this is ridiculous' comments were actually about the man. Such a relief because I thought I had made a lot of theatre goers very angry. 

After the interval I went to go and sit in my actual seat, but as I was squeezing past people to get to it I spilt half of my glass of water over two girls in the row below. They gave me a horrible look and moaned at me. I felt like maybe I don't belong at the ballet and maybe I'm just not sophisticated enough. However, I sat down and decided to just forget that I am a total pillock and enjoy the rest of the show.

The show was abolsutely amazing and Andy was an incredible prince. I want to go again! Next time I'll leave extra early and avoid glasses of water...

Night x

Rule No.58: Don't wear floaty dresses on the tube

It's Sunday, the day of rest.

Today was not a restful day.

After consuming a rather large amount of wine and gin last night I woke up this morning with a slight hangover. However, after some beans on toast and a cup of tea (I shouted for Heather to make me the tea and she surprisingly did...maybe I should save my voice next time and buy a bell to ring). 

I showered, tidied my room, put a wash on, tidied the kitchen and then swept up all of the leaves in my front garden. Then, I went to WHSmiths to buy wrapping paper, THEN to Waitrose to buy chocolate to take to my friend Sara's house as her boyfriend was making me a Sunday roast (well not just me, but I like to feel special). I presumed you should buy people a gift when they're providing dinner? Chocolate is always a good gift. Unless you're diabetic or on a diet of course, then it's a terrible gift. 

Check out the amazing roast, it was so incredible I think I'll be dreaming about it for weeks.

The picture doesn't do it justice.

The company was pretty damn good. 

What a cheerful bunch.

The below photo from Saturday night isn't so nice though...apparently gin makes you think you look a lot better than you do. I mean, why did we think this was a good idea?

I AM POUTING whilst everyone else is just looking at my phone.

Oh dear.

Anyway, instead of blabbering on I thought I would give you a little list of news:

• Pedro never got in touch. I don't really get this as he was so persistent to get my number. Men are weird.
• Someone stopped and asked me on Oxford Street if I would like to enrol on a course to learn English. I must look even more foreign than I thought.
• I wore a floaty (maternity style) dress on Wednesday and was then paranoid on the tube that people would think I was pregnant. I prayed all the way to Oxford Circus that someone wouldn't offer me a seat. My prayers worked, but I was a paranoid Pamela the whole journey. 
• It is never a good idea to drink an espresso martini to pass the time while your glass of Prosecco is being poured. I learnt the hard way.
• When you're at a cool party (the Schuh launch party to be precise) don't chase the waiter serving slices of pizza, just act cool and wait for him to offer you a slice. Otherwise you'll end up looking like a tit when you finally get to him and realise he's run out. Like running for the bus and missing it, but worse because you look like a massive pig. Not that this happened to me of course. 

My next blog post is probably going to be from North Carolina as I'm going over to visit my brother, sister in law, nephew and my new niece on Wednesday!

There's a lot about the trip I am excited about. For example, I can't wait for plane food. 

Night x

Rule No.44: Just give men what they want

Today I went for an Alex Turner (from Arctic Monkeys) and Ugly Betty look.

I'm sure you can work out which pic is which look.

I feel a bit manly to be honest.

I've decided I'm going to lose weight for the Cosmopolitan Ultimate Women of the Year Awards in December. There's usually people from XFactor there and I've witnessed quite a few fit guys in the auditions (the guy from Next of Kin). Therefore, I need to look my best so I can make them fall in love with me.

If you fancy winning tickets you can enter a competition by putting your face on the front of Cosmo. Click this link. Then we can hunt for the fit guys together - 'girls on tour (hunt)'.

The diet isn't going too bad so far. Although, I am eating an Oreo as I type this. Abi has also left a cheesecake in my fridge so I feel like I HAVE to eat some every night until it goes. However, everything else I eat consists of vegetables and soup. I was also going to go to the gym last night. I thought my gym kit was under my desk so I was going to go straight after work, but 'unfortunately' I had left it under my bed. I couldn't go. Devastated...

In other news I've got a bit of an addiction to drinking out of this mug at the moment. Although, no one in the office has even been a slightly bit concerned, which is a bit offensive.

Is it THAT obvious that I wouldn't be pregnant?

I look so tired! I think this picture proves (not including the mug) that I need a man to take me on a romantic holiday.

Not that I have any chance of that happening. In fact I don't think any women would at the moment now that the new Grand Theft Auto game is out.

I can't help but wonder why the advertisers decided to use this image on the posters:

 

???

 

It's a bit pointless surely? They've had to use an 'iFruit' logo which looks RIDICULOUS. Why don't they just have the girl in a bikini and give the guys what they want...?

 

Anyway, I'm now going to eat some broccoli.

 

x

Rule No. 42: Don't say yes to things you know you won't want to do

This is another one of those 'I'm sorry I haven't blogged for days' posts.

I'M SORRY.

I had a shoot yesterday and didn't get home until after 9pm. I was so tired I consumed half a packet of haloumi and then passed out. On the plus side, after over 8 hours sleep (very rare for me) I feel ridiculously awake today.

The shoot went really well though. We were shooting three real readers and dyeing their hair bright colours - red, purple and pink dip-dye. All of the readers were amazing on camera, and they looked so great that I had to get the makeup artist to give me a makeover so I didn't feel too depressed standing next to them.

Check out Lorna's incredible dip-dye: 

She's off to be a fresher at Bournemouth Uni on Sunday so she'll definitely be making a statement!

I helped direct the shoot yesterday and I was pretty impressed with myself. I also went out to get everyone sweets and chocolate in the afternoon. I think I became everyones best friend when I came back with Haribo, Oreos, Peanut M&Ms and Giant Jelly Snakes (mainly so that I could eat them).

I also helped the stylist decide what each reader should wear on the shoot. When doing so I also found something that I liked...  (please ignore the horrible selfie)
 

It makes me look fierce and I like the fact I'll probably scare children. I doubt it will help me attract men though. However, I am thinking it could be a conversation starter...

On to today:

It's Friday the 13th, but so far it's been a pretty good day. Subway sent us bacon sandwiches this morning so obviously that has made me extremely happy. However, I've got silent speed dating tonight and I REALLY don't want to go (yes it's speed dating in silence...you can only mime). I have to go because I can't let my friend down, but I'm nearly crying just thinking about it. I just want to go home and watch Notting Hill, and finish the tub of Ben & Jerry's that's in the freezer.

I'll update you tomorrow on how it goes. Sob.

x

Rule No. 41: Never leave the house when you look horrible

It's typical that you bump into everyone you know when you're looking your worst.

On the way to my fire poi lesson last night I bumped into two people I hadn't seen for ages. I also saw a guy that's a bit of an ex...why did I see him for the first time in months when I'm wearing really scruffy jeans, a creased Uni hoody that's six years old with holes in it, and my hair scraped back with no make up on?!

I obviously acted like I hadn't seen him so he didn't have to see my spotty face up close, but from the corner of my eye I could see him staring at me. Probably nearly vomiting and thinking 'why did I ever go there?'

Although, I can't have looked as horrendous as I felt because a younger, spottier version of Richie from Bottom growled at me when he walked past. GROWLED!

It might not have been a 'sexual' growl though, it could have been an angry growl. Or, maybe he just likes growling?

So my diet officially started yesterday. Although, I did eat a croissant for breakfast and some Minstrels after lunch, so technically the diet started from 3pm. It has now been over 24 hours and I am still on track. 

I am also going to the gym tomorrow. Well I thought I better go before they start sending out a search party.

In other news the Cosmo Lingerie Show tickets are now on sale. I'm ridiculously excited because I helped organise the show, and it's held at One Marylebone, which is a great venue. Although, the last time I was there for the Inside Soap Awards a random man came up to me and told me that 'we were the ugly ones in the room'. Apparently this is a guys way of flirting (?), but all it did was shatter my confidence and it made me want to kick him where it hurts. Especially as I'd actually made an effort to look nice that night. Thanks pal! 

My friends found it hilarious. 

I was meant to go to a film preview tonight for Powder Room, but I got ridiculously lost and missed the first half of the film. Therefore, Aimee and I decided to go to the Jade Garden in Chinatown instead. We were really disappointed to have missed the film so we ate lots of dumplings and prawn crackers to make us feel better. 

OK so I lied. The diet is not on track. 

I'm sorry for lying.

X 

P.S. Cadbury's are releasing a bar with Daim in it. I hope you're as excited as me. I WANT IT IN MY MOUTH NOW.

Rule No. 39: Don't get your eyebrows tinted in a public place

I got told I look like Eva Mendes today. BOOM! What a great Friday. It was made even greater by eating a bacon sandwich and drinking red wine for most of the evening...I don't think I'm drunk yet.

I've not long arrived in Coventry as I'm staying at my parents house this weekend. I feel so relaxed already, I always seem to sleep better at my parents house. It's probably because I know I don't have to get up for work or do any washing or tidying the next day (no matter how much my dad tries to get me to do it).

I was also very excited to see this ugly thing.

He actually looks cute here, but trust me, he isn't.

Taz has always been a stupid dog, but now he's 13 he's REALLY STUPID. For example, tonight he spent a good ten minutes trying to use his paw and tongue (alternately) to get to a dog biscuit that was stuck underneath some drawers in the kitchen. I eventually thought I'd be a good mother and move the drawers so he could get to it. Any normal dog would be like 'YEEESSSS (woof) I can now get to the biscuit (woof)'. Nope, not my dog. He trotted away. YOU STUPID DOG. I then pointed to the biscuit and called him over, but he just stood there like I was telling him a really boring story about plants (or something equally as boring). What an idiot. He did eventually eat it...just to let you know.

It's funny how animals get so excited about food. Like the other day at work, my manager, Sarah (a human) was telling us how she was going to an American restaurant for dinner that night and couldn't wait to have a burger (don't blame her). It was then that she went on to describe how they have sticky toffee milkshakes, she got so excited talking about it that she did a fist pump.

Oh, I loved it. That's true passion for food.

On other work news, the majority of the girls in the office got their eyebrows tinted today. Sandra brought in her kit and treated us all to a free tint. Although, she jokingly told me that she was going to charge me £15. Therefore, with a mouthful of dumpling noodle soup I told her to f**k off. It is probably quite a risky thing to do when someone is holding a dye covered brush in their hand, that they could just smear across your face. Luckily she stayed professional.

However, at first I did look like a mime artist.

 

 

 

 

I look normal now though I promise (well as normal as I will ever look).

 

OK, so I'm sure you're dying to know...yes, I had my date last night. And, I therefore spent Wednesday night doing some last minute squats and sit ups. Well I had to something. I received another email from the gym the other day saying that 'they're worried about me'. Therefore, I thought a last minute attempt to tone up and lose some pounds might be a good idea. Not that I did tone up or lose any pounds.

 

I'm afraid (don't hate me) I'm not going to say much about my date. I'm sorry, I know you want juicy gossip, but let's be honest I'm already risking being single forever when I constantly talk about food, being hungover, being drunk and posting photos of me looking like a mime artist. However, I will tell you this...we have another date (and we kissed).

 

Right, I'm going to drink some more red wine (it's free wine from dad so may as well take advantage).

 

Good night x

 

Rule No.32: Never let people video you singing

Today I am off to Reading Festival...YAAAAAAY! 

I'm going to ignore the fact that it is currently raining. I'm still wearing a dress.

Last night I went out for my housemates birthday. We went to Graphic bar in Soho, which is full of hot men. Not that I pulled any of them, I was too busy twerking with my new best mate Sean. 

If he wasn't gay then I would definitely say that I pulled. He even invited me to have a sleepover at his, and he insisted that I was Vanessa from The Saturdays. Therefore, I love him.

I did however come across a potential fit guy on Tinder (if you don't know what Tinder is, it's an app that shows you people in your area. If you both 'like' each other then you match and you can start a conversation). I pressed like, but unfortunately he hasn't liked me back. 

On Thursday night I took the Schuh PR team out for karaoke, we went to Lucky Voice in Soho. It was so fun. We had booked a room for two hours, and we ended up extending it to four hours. We couldn't stop singing. We also couldn't stop drinking, I think I consumed about three bottles of prosecco. 

I seemed to think it was essential to wear a pink wig all night. It's funny how alcohol can make you feel like you look AMAZING when actually you like a dickhead.

This also applies to singing...I thought I was Rihanna.

This video makes me want to crawl under my bed and cry.

I also became the bouncers best mate that night. We hit it off when he asked me for I.D and I replied "oh shut up". Luckily, he found this hilarious and we became the best of friends. However, looking back, I'm slightly concerned how funny he found it...does that mean he had asked me for I.D as a joke? If so, have I got to that age now where bouncers can do this because it is so obvious that I am not underage? 

Maybe I need to start using anti ageing cream.

Say that, I'm glad I don't look like this anymore...

I came across this pic the other day. What was my mum thinking? 'Let's attach a table cloth to Gina's jumper so everyone can laugh at her'. Thanks mum. I'm surprised my teachers didn't accidentally put their coffee mugs on my shoulders.

I'll post after Reading Festival. I have guest tickets so I'm hoping to hunt Eminem down and snog him. I've washed my hair and brushed my teeth especially.

x

Rule No.23: If you want it then just get it*

I've just been shoppiiiiiing! Well, technically I exchanged something and upgraded by an extra £50...to nice new handbag. Woooo.

Personally I think it was a necessary purchase. If you saw the post 'Rule No.18' then you would have seen my other handbag, it had a big hole in it and a shoe lace as the zip head...I'm going to ignore the fact I could have fixed the hole and bought a new zip head because I LOVE my new bag, AND it has a side strap. Everyone needs a side strap. And, it looks posh and I want to be posh, or at least a little bit posh.

When I was browsing in Topshop tonight a denim crop top caught my eye. I was about to go over to look at it when a girl shouted to her mum "eerrgghh, can you believe someone would actually buy this?". I immediately changed direction and didn't look at the top. Oh the shame. I thought it was nice!! (She obviously had boring taste...)

I'm sorry to break it to you, but I'm going Italy on Sunday (YEESSSS). I'm going to Lake Garda with my house mate, and I can't bloody wait. I realised this morning that it will be the first time in three years that I'll be going on a holiday and not having to travel around everywhere. I can just chill and do nothing. I can actually take a suitcase and not a backpack! Oh, the luxury.

To add to my excitement I took a client to get a pedicure today so my feet are nice and my nails are bright pink. Also, Freya kindly sent me three bikinis for my holiday so I now have some beautiful bikinis to wear. Yea I know, you hate me.

Don't worry, I promise to blog from Italy (as long as I have wifi in the hotel). You're going to want to punch the photos of me lying by the pool and eating loads of tiramisu though. Muhahaha.

I have caveated todays rule as I don't believe you should always get what you want, but I do think that sometimes you should just do it. Like my handbag. I can afford it, so why not? If I was in debt then I wouldn't have got it, but I'm not, so bugger it. I WANTED IT. And today, I had made a salad for lunch but when lunchtime came around all I could think about was a chicken buritto. And, I know myself well enough to know that once I start thinking about a buritto then I won't stop thinking about a buritto. So I got one.

As long as you don't give in all of the time then I believe you definitely should on occasion. The other day I tried to avoid giving in...I'd already had dinner, but I really wanted a crumpet. I instead had a plum, but I wasn't satisfied so I had another plum. I ended up eating three plums and then still had the crumpet. It had got to the point where I wasn't going to stop eating things until I got my crumpet. Therefore, I should have just had one straight away. Silly bridget.

Anyway, if I get really fat then I can just follow Peter Griffin's rule. I think he has a valid point.

Actually, I'll be honest, I don't want to be round. Being short and round is not a good look. Have you ever heard anyone say "she was really fit, she was so short and round, it was really sexy". No, that's right, you haven't. I can't be round, I'm already short and I can't do anything about that.

My friend Ben has persuaded me to sign up to a silent speed dating night with him. It's not until 13 September, but OMG it's going to be the most awkward thing ever. Can you imagine anything worse than sitting in front of a complete stranger in silence? I would just have fits of giggles. The guy would probably be sitting there really seriously and I'll be snorting with laughter like a pig on laughing gas. I might have to wear a muzzle.

Good night x

Rule No.22: Always beware when walking alone

You'll be proud of me, I went to the gym tonight!

My friend Sophie emailed me today and wanted to have a catch up so I suggested we use one of my gym guest passes (I can't believe I actually suggested this and not the pub). When I got to the gym I realised I had left my gym pass at home. Sophie and I looked at each other with the 'here's our excuse not to go' look, and Sophie then suggested we go for dinner instead. The thought of Pizza Express gave me tingles of excitement. But no, we were strong and we asked the receptionist if she could let us in without my pass. She let us in. Damn it.

Our gym session ended up being pretty good! We did approx. 40 mins of cardio and 20 mins of free weights. I'd say that it was a pretty good effort since we both hadn't been to the gym for about three months. After the gym we went and got half price sushi from Itsu (FYI, it's half price after 9pm), and ate twice as much as we normally would. Then, on the way to Oxford Circus station we both shared a Wispa. Therefore, the gym session was pretty pointless.

However, the Wispa tasted like heaven so it was totally worth it. We even made the 'mmm' noise for a good 20 seconds (until the Wispa had magically disappeared)

So last night I was in Brixton again for my Fire Poi lesson, and I can definitely 100% confirm that last weeks post about crisps attracting men is completely true. I was walking down the same street as last week, but this time not eating crisps. I was like a ghost, no one noticed me. I even walked past a group of 20 drunken men outside of a pub and there was nothing. What was even funnier about the situation was that I realised when I got to my class that my skirt had been lifted up by my bag, so my pants were on full show the whole journey. Therefore, crisps really do attract men. Either that, or my bum repels them.

On my way home that night I automatically got my phone out to check for any messages when I came out of the tube station. I then noticed a man who was about to cross the road in the opposite direction had started walking behind me. He was a scary looking man with his hood up. I put my phone away and started walking slightly quicker. I then got to a bus stop, where there were a lot of people so I started to slow down hoping he would overtake me, he didn't, he slowed down too. I wasn't sure what to do so I carried on walking. When I got to my street I decided not to risk walking down it as it's a really quiet street, and I was curently on a busy road. I decided to cross the road away from where I lived. He followed. I then crossed another road and headed towards a kebab shop that was open. He followed. I got to the kebab shop and stood next to a man that was outside and then the man that was following me ran off.

I know I usually like to post funny things, but if I hadn't noticed the guy following me and if I hadn't instantly put my phone away I would have definitely been mugged. Be careful people.

On a much lighter note, I'm taking one of my clients for a pedicure tomorrow so I've spent a good ten minutes trying to make my feet look nicer tonight. What a pointless exercise?? That's like washing your car before taking it to the carwash because you're too ashamed of how dirty it is. To be fair, my feet are still terrible. I hate feet.

Before I go and get some sleep. Check out the dress my mum made for me! I got home the other night to find a parcel that she had sent to me, it was such a lovely surprise!

She's got a Facebook page with all of the amazing creations she has made, if you want to see more then just click here.

Oh, also...I thought you might appreciate my pyjama top. I got it for free when I went to BCM in Magaluf when I was 17. I probably should get rid of it as some point...

Night! x

Rule No. 18: Sometimes you just have to accept that you attract weirdos

I warned you that today was going to be a big post and I wasn't lying...

I did something on Monday that you are going to love, but I'll tell you about that a bit later. First let me tell you about today as there have been a few bad impressions and awkward moments (this probably isn't a surprise).

This morning my colleague told me she had a headache, so being the kind person that I am I offered her some Ibuprofen. However, I didn't think to check the packet before giving it to her (why would you?). All of a sudden there was a loud "errrggghh". Yep, that's right, there was a used chewing gum stuck to the packet.

I genuinely do not know how the chewing gum got there. I wouldn't like to think that I would just spit my chewing gum out into my bag. To make the matter worse there was a long dark hair (mine) stuck to it, which then became attached to my colleagues thumb. Obviously we both laughed about it, everyone knows me well enough to know that I'm not going to get embarrassed, and she's not type to get repulsed easily. However, it wasn't the greatest moment and I am a little concerned that people will question my hygiene. Therefore, it has made me think that it could be a good idea (excuse) to buy a new handbag...my current one obviously isn't very clean. The massive hole at the top of it isn't very attractive either.

Awkward moment number two, which I'm sure a lot of people can relate to (and it's not just me for once). This afternoon I phoned a company director who I hadn't spoken to before. When they answered we obviously did the whole 'hello' thing, but I then went on to say "I'm good thank you, how are you?". The only problem is, they hadn't actually asked 'how are you?'. WHAT WAS MY BRAIN THINKING... You then have that awkward 'oh sorry, you didn't ask me that' moment, which then makes it sound like you're criticising them for not asking how you are. DIG ME OUT. 

I won't make you wait any longer.

I've joined Plenty of Fish.

Now, I haven't joined the site expecting any dates, but it's more for the banter. I have actually joined once before, as last year my housemate persuaded me to sign up with her. I went on one date and I ended up dating him for four months. It wasn't a particularly enjoyable four months either as he was a bit of a kn*b, and I don't really know why I bothered staying with him. I also discovered that he was cheating on me too, the absolute £$£@*%$£!!!!

Therefore, I'm not actually sure I even want to go on a date, but I thought I would just see what happens. And, oh boy you're going to love some of the messages I've received. I've had about fifty so far and I haven't replied to a single one. And, that isn't even me being fussy, they're just terrible. I would say that 95% of the guys haven't even bothered to read my profile and they definitely haven't bothered to think of a nice message to send. Please see examples below:

1) Hi babs
2) Hi
3) Hey lady says up
4) Baby, does G stand for gorgeous?
5) Hey
6) Hi sweete
7) Hello can we me you frand go out  (????)
8) Heya I'm Matt
9) Knock knock
10) Hi How are you? Hopefully the weather will sort it's self out

My absolute favourite is this guy:

 

No, unfortunately that isn't his profile picture. Damn. 

News flash...as I was scrolling through to find the worst messages to show you, I received a message from a guy that actually seems nice, he's also good looking and he has banter. This could be my first reply...

x

Rule No.8: Always check you're at the right stage

People are actually liking my blog, which is a relief! Thanks guys :) I was slightly concerned that the only person reading it would be me.

I was at Lovebox yesterday so I couldn't post my blog. I could have tried at 1am, but it would have just been a rambled mess. Too much cider. 

Lovebox has made me realise that I love thinking I'm a rude girl. I have about twenty photos on my phone with me posing wearing a snap back. 

Here is a photo of me pouting and looking really cool... Oh dear. 

So the main act I wanted to see at Lovebox was Rudimental. We went to what we thought was the main stage as they were about to come on. Scrambled to the front, and to our disbelief Wiley came on. We were at the wrong stage...I only got to see one Rudimental song. Disaster. 

Azealia Banks was absolutely incredible. I was dancing like I was such a rude girl. Loved it. I've been listening to her all morning and dancing around my room. I am no longer an indie girl. This is the new me, badass G. 

The highlight of yesterday however was discovering a big fluffy caterpillar on my friends skirt when we were on the tube home. How did it even get there? It was like a caterpillar cactus. 

Peace out x