Rule No. 39: Don't get your eyebrows tinted in a public place

I got told I look like Eva Mendes today. BOOM! What a great Friday. It was made even greater by eating a bacon sandwich and drinking red wine for most of the evening...I don't think I'm drunk yet.

I've not long arrived in Coventry as I'm staying at my parents house this weekend. I feel so relaxed already, I always seem to sleep better at my parents house. It's probably because I know I don't have to get up for work or do any washing or tidying the next day (no matter how much my dad tries to get me to do it).

I was also very excited to see this ugly thing.

He actually looks cute here, but trust me, he isn't.

Taz has always been a stupid dog, but now he's 13 he's REALLY STUPID. For example, tonight he spent a good ten minutes trying to use his paw and tongue (alternately) to get to a dog biscuit that was stuck underneath some drawers in the kitchen. I eventually thought I'd be a good mother and move the drawers so he could get to it. Any normal dog would be like 'YEEESSSS (woof) I can now get to the biscuit (woof)'. Nope, not my dog. He trotted away. YOU STUPID DOG. I then pointed to the biscuit and called him over, but he just stood there like I was telling him a really boring story about plants (or something equally as boring). What an idiot. He did eventually eat it...just to let you know.

It's funny how animals get so excited about food. Like the other day at work, my manager, Sarah (a human) was telling us how she was going to an American restaurant for dinner that night and couldn't wait to have a burger (don't blame her). It was then that she went on to describe how they have sticky toffee milkshakes, she got so excited talking about it that she did a fist pump.

Oh, I loved it. That's true passion for food.

On other work news, the majority of the girls in the office got their eyebrows tinted today. Sandra brought in her kit and treated us all to a free tint. Although, she jokingly told me that she was going to charge me £15. Therefore, with a mouthful of dumpling noodle soup I told her to f**k off. It is probably quite a risky thing to do when someone is holding a dye covered brush in their hand, that they could just smear across your face. Luckily she stayed professional.

However, at first I did look like a mime artist.

 

 

 

 

I look normal now though I promise (well as normal as I will ever look).

 

OK, so I'm sure you're dying to know...yes, I had my date last night. And, I therefore spent Wednesday night doing some last minute squats and sit ups. Well I had to something. I received another email from the gym the other day saying that 'they're worried about me'. Therefore, I thought a last minute attempt to tone up and lose some pounds might be a good idea. Not that I did tone up or lose any pounds.

 

I'm afraid (don't hate me) I'm not going to say much about my date. I'm sorry, I know you want juicy gossip, but let's be honest I'm already risking being single forever when I constantly talk about food, being hungover, being drunk and posting photos of me looking like a mime artist. However, I will tell you this...we have another date (and we kissed).

 

Right, I'm going to drink some more red wine (it's free wine from dad so may as well take advantage).

 

Good night x

 

Rule No.35: Don't just blurt out whatever you're thinking

It's friiiiidaaaaaaay!!! 

I celebrated this morning with a chocolate croissant.

My Scandinavian diet is still on hold and I'm temporarily on the French diet.

It was my turn to finish work early today so I've come straight home (well I also bought a new top and skirt from Monki on the way) to clean my house. WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME? I should be drunk by now. 

Say that, I think I had enough wine last night. 

I went to a work quiz night. Free alcohol meant I'd already had three glasses of wine before the quiz even started. I was chatting to two directors after my third glass, and I don't know why but I was coming out with the most ridiculous things. The first thing I said to one director was 'wow, you're tall'. Luckily they both laughed. Then even more awkwardly I said to the other 'nice holiday bracelet', only to find out it's actually really expensive. (I'm terrible with jewellery...just give me something from Topshop and I'm happy). 

I genuinely thought the bracelet was something like mine...

Then the food came out. We had two platters between three of us, which meant I consumed at least 15 mini sausages (that sounds dodgy), two mini burgers and a bowl of wedges.

I then came home to find both of my housemates still out. I didn't have a key as Jade accidentally took it back to Coventry on Tuesday, so I sat on my porch for half an hour listening to my iPod. I listened to 'Rudimental - Feel The Love' for the whole 30minutes. Not sure why, but I get really obsessed with songs sometimes. Like the time I listened to 'Union J - Carry You' on repeat to and from work for a whole week. I must have listened to it over 100 times.

Tonight I'm going on the Jack the Ripper tour. I'm pretty scared as it's meant to be very frightening and I get scared pretty easily. I'll probably end up having to hold someones hand. Preferably not a strangers (unless he's fit). 

I'm going with my friends from uni as Sarah is moving to Bolivia next month. Therefore, this weekend we're going to make sure she has an amazing time. Obviously Saturday night is going to involve a lot of alcohol. 

Last time we all got together we decided what animals we would be...

Suze = penguin

Hayley = peacock 

Aimee = fluffy cat 

Sophie = horse 

Sarah = gazelle 

Emma = poodle 

Gina = lion 

I'm quite glad I'm a lion. It's mainly because of my hair, I wouldn't say I roar that much. 

Right I'm going to clean my house before I get my nappy on ready for tonight (just in case I sh*t myself).

x

Rule No.19: If you're thirsty then drink water, not wine

Don't hate me!

Sorry I haven't posted anything for two days. I went out with work on Thursday night, which consisted of A LOT of wine and champagne. We were on a roof terrace in the 32 degree heat and it was so hot we just kept drinking more and more wine. I probably should have drank some water to quench my thirst as I'm pretty sure I consumed at least two bottles of rosé and half a bottle of champagne. I was going to write a post when I got home, but I stopped myself...it would have consisted of a lot splling erors and thins tat dont mayk sens.

Last night I went for a few drinks with some of the girls (the wolfpack) after work. Then, came home, had a curry with my housemates, watched 'There's Something About Mary' and then passed out.

To make it up to you here's a photo of me wearing a face mask.

Yes, I agree I look like the Mighty Boosh moon.

This probably doesn't come as a surprise to you, but I've deleted my Plenty Of Fish account. I only lasted three days and I didn't end up replying to that guy either. It is just full of TERRIBLE men. The final straw was when I got a message saying 'come and claim your prize'... I'm sorry everyone, I know you wanted me to go on random dates and tell you how horrendous they were, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Anyway, a girl at work (after a lot of champagne) announced that she thinks I'm going to marry someone called Henry. Apparently she thinks I need someone posh, as opposites attract...I presume that means she thinks I'm common..? Brilliant.

I had the most amazing lunch on Thursday at Granger and Co in Notting Hill, I really recommend it. The food was amazing, and we all shared this incredible pavlova. I WANT TO EAT IT AGAIN NOW.

On my way back to the office a wasp landed on my nose and it really stung. I was definitely seconds away from getting a massive sting on the end of my nose (which would have looked terrible). I think wasps are plotting to attack me after I killed two last Saturday night. To make matters worse I also saw Katie Waissel on the tube. Obviously I just sat there listening to my iPod as lets be honest it's a rubbish celeb spot (could you even call her a celeb?). I only noticed it was her because of her massive chin.

I also noticed on my journey back to the office that I tend to follow people that smell nice, male and female. I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one that does this?? To me it makes sense...if you're walking in the same direction you may as well follow something that smells good. Yes, that probably sounds a bit weird. I do recommend it though.

This morning has consisted of me lying on my bed in my pants sending snapchats to Aimee of my elephant (to anyone that hasn't read my previous posts, my elephant is my teddy bear...it's not a metaphor). It is ridiculously lame to admit this, but we've been snapchatting videos of our teddy bears pretending they are talking. It has actually been really funny, but feel free to think I'm an absolute weirdo.

...Tonight I'm going to 'really cool' house party in Old Street and then out in Dalston. I've only told you this so you might think I'm a little less odd.

I'm going to leave you with a great invention to encourage your kids to burn each others faces off.

What were they thinking???

I want one.

x

Rule No. 1: Don't wear black pants with a cream skirt

Happy Friday!

You're probably out being sociable right now. I'm currently at home, alone and drinking red wine, which I'm genuinely excited about. Mainly because I never seem to have much time on my own, but most importantly I can sit watching Pursuit of Happyness without my bra on. (FYI, the film and bra are not connected. The lack of bra is for comfort purposes only).

My current view:

In reference to the title of this post, today I have learnt three things:

1) I only seem to wear my glasses at work when I want to feel clever. It works and I recommend it.
2) Think before telling people in your office that every word that has 'gina' in it is a great word. Vagina is one of those words. Although, personally I still think vagina is a great word.
3) Don't wear black pants with a cream skirt. And, if you happen to (like I did today) then make sure people know they are black pants and that the dark area isn't because you haven't bothered to shave for 12 months.


Galaxy update:

Tomorrow I'm going to make a video of the Fire Poi moves I've learnt (I've been learning for the past five weeks) - there's no fire involved yet, but you can see me wave ribbons around. If you don't find it impressive then I'm hoping you'll at least laugh, so look out for it as I'll be posting it on here.

Obviously I'll also attempt to give you some more important life lessons...

Peace.