Rule No.95: Mutually Beneficial Presents Are The Best Ones To Buy

Warning, this post is not ladylike.

 

I'm sorry.

 

 

It's not long until Christmas, which is great because now my ever increasing belly (caused by high alcohol and food consumption) looks 'festive' - well, I look like Father Christmas.

It's alright though, you get away with wearing big jumpers in winter so after Christmas I can just layer up as much as possible.

I presume I'm not on my own here?

 

People will just think we're wearing lots of layers...with fat underneath.

Anyway, I've just come back from a weekend away with Archie (my luckyish bf) to Bath, where I had arranged a spa weekend for his birthday. The perfect present, because a) he once mentioned it would be nice to go to a spa and I remembered b) I got to enjoy the present too. This is the best type of present buying, mutual beneficial ones. I recommend it.

During the weekend we ate a lot, and when I say a lot I mean LOADS. However, we thought it was necessary after we swam four slow lengths in the pool at the spa. It's surprising what swimming can do to you, even granny swimming. WE WERE STARVING. The problem was though, we ate so much at dinner that we became ridiculously full. Then when we got back to the hotel room we just had to lie on the bed with our bellies sticking out, watching TV.

Uncomfortable fullness to the extreme.
 

(This is where it becomes unladylike)

We both decided that maybe we should go to the toilet (the toilet, toilet) because we felt THAT full and uncomfortable. However, after I asked Archie if he could leave the hotel room for a while and he declined, I made him listen to loud music with headphones in and wear my hat to reduce any possible way his ears could hear anything from the bathroom.

He did...

Romance at its best.

If it improves the situation, I did fall asleep with my head on his chest and my arm wrapped round him. But, he did tell me in the morning that I snored all night... Romance points are still 0 from me.

Actually wait, we held hands on the pool sun loungers. Two points.

And the weekend was ace. Bath gets 10/10.

To change the subject and to quickly finish as I need run for my train... a message to all of you sods at home with your family already, I hope you're bored. I'm just leaving work and about to get my the train to COV, which does mean I'll be listening to Bublé on repeat all of the way. I can't wait.

And of course me and my parents are going for a curry as soon as I arrive. SCORE.

Have a merry Christmas, and remember, MUTUALLY BENEFICIAL PRESENTS. x