Rule No. 42: Don't say yes to things you know you won't want to do

This is another one of those 'I'm sorry I haven't blogged for days' posts.

I'M SORRY.

I had a shoot yesterday and didn't get home until after 9pm. I was so tired I consumed half a packet of haloumi and then passed out. On the plus side, after over 8 hours sleep (very rare for me) I feel ridiculously awake today.

The shoot went really well though. We were shooting three real readers and dyeing their hair bright colours - red, purple and pink dip-dye. All of the readers were amazing on camera, and they looked so great that I had to get the makeup artist to give me a makeover so I didn't feel too depressed standing next to them.

Check out Lorna's incredible dip-dye: 

She's off to be a fresher at Bournemouth Uni on Sunday so she'll definitely be making a statement!

I helped direct the shoot yesterday and I was pretty impressed with myself. I also went out to get everyone sweets and chocolate in the afternoon. I think I became everyones best friend when I came back with Haribo, Oreos, Peanut M&Ms and Giant Jelly Snakes (mainly so that I could eat them).

I also helped the stylist decide what each reader should wear on the shoot. When doing so I also found something that I liked...  (please ignore the horrible selfie)
 

It makes me look fierce and I like the fact I'll probably scare children. I doubt it will help me attract men though. However, I am thinking it could be a conversation starter...

On to today:

It's Friday the 13th, but so far it's been a pretty good day. Subway sent us bacon sandwiches this morning so obviously that has made me extremely happy. However, I've got silent speed dating tonight and I REALLY don't want to go (yes it's speed dating in silence...you can only mime). I have to go because I can't let my friend down, but I'm nearly crying just thinking about it. I just want to go home and watch Notting Hill, and finish the tub of Ben & Jerry's that's in the freezer.

I'll update you tomorrow on how it goes. Sob.

x

Rule No.13: Just because you were good at paper aeroplane competitions when you were five doesn't mean you will be now

First of all, I thought it was about time I shared with you a picture of one of my favourite friends.

Imaginatively, he's called Elephant. I have to be honest though I've been a bit mean recently, since the hot weather he's been sleeping on the floor a lot. It's too hot to spoon a fluffy thing.

In other news, I've decided not to go on my date tomorrow. He seems really nice, but I just think we're too different (not because he's nice as I'd like to think I'm nice too). I thought we were really different when I first met him, but the mixture of wine and cider made me not care. However, now I'm sober I'm being wise. I know I should just be like 'YOLO' and go for it, but I'm going to be honest here, the thought of finishing work tomorrow and going straight home to watch TV gives me shivers of excitement. I have a massive smile on my face just thinking about it. I might even get a curry.

So this means I have no dates lined up now. Men, please form an orderly queue. I like flowers, peanut butter and red wine. Also, I have never owned a designer handbag (unless you count the fake Jimmy Choo my mum brought me back from Thailand).

Working in a magazine company means I'm constantly surrounded by women, or gay men. However, today I discovered a floor where all of the straight men hide...the digital development floor. There were hundreds! Well it seemed like there were hundreds, it was more like 20. Anyway, they were holding a paper aeroplane competition, which after one beer I decided was a great idea to enter myself into (this was a team bonding exercise, we do actually work extremely hard!). I genuinely thought I was going to win. I used to always win them in primary school.

I got my paper folding moves out and concentrated like I've never concentrated before. When finished, I took my position on the imaginary line and threw my handcrafted plane. I came second to last. If this isn't clear, I WASN'T last. But, when it landed on the floor about a metre away from me I saw the face of one guy and he looked really disappointed for me. I think he knew how much I wanted to win. I must admit, it wasn't a great moment for my paper aeroplane making ego, but you never know, the men might sympathetically fancy me now.

Before I go and practise my fire poi routine - I've put a routine together to Azealia Banks '212' because I'm a rude girl now (please refer to the blog post 'Always check you're at the right stage'). I wanted to share with you '21 pictures that will restore your faith in humanity'. I read it whilst sitting in a coffee shop on my own waiting for a client to arrive. I sat there with tears in my eyes and a wobbling lip. Thankfully my client was 15 minutes late so I had enough time to compose myself before she arrived. By the way, I couldn't help but wonder how see-through the boxers would have been in picture 20...

P.s. I hope you're proud of how early I've written this!

x

Rule No.9: Making friends with the DJ can be useful

Today I feel like death. I'm actually a little concerned I could have bed sores tomorrow morning. I haven't moved all day (except to go to the toilet, get water, get food and open the door to the pizza delivery guy). Oh yea, the diet isn't going well still. I've watched 10 episodes of New Girl and have now finished the whole of season 2. I cried three times - Jess and Nick's relationship is just far too much for me to handle. I also think I'm getting tonsillitis, which is pretty horrendous. I'm presuming having craters in your tonsils is not a good sign anyway?

So yesterday I went to a posh pub with my housemates for lunch, which was really lovely. However, slightly awkward when I asked the waiter for my Pork Belly to come with chips instead of potato pancakes (I needed as much grease as possible after Lovebox). The waiter pulled a disappointed face, but said he will ask the chef. Five minutes later the chef came over to my table to convince me that I shouldn't exchange for chips as it would ruin the meal and that the potato pancakes were 'exquisite'. Obviously I stuck to chips, but felt so ashamed. I don't think I have ever felt so embarrassed to order chips before, I felt like I had asked Gordon Ramsey to make we a McChicken Sandwich meal.

After the pub we went to Battersea Park and hired a pedalo. I made sure that I was in charge of steering as I really miss driving my car (I haven't driven since moving to London) and it's the closest I could come to driving again. That, and pushing a shopping trolley round Sainsbury's. At first I was rather impressed with my skills, until I got cocky, which led to us getting stuck in a bush and narrowly missing a duck nest. People around us seemed to find this amusing, my housemates on the other hand did not see the funny side as they were getting hit by tree branches and leaves were getting stuck in their hair. I ended up getting us out of the bush however, and the rest of the pedalo ride was pleasant.

Last night we went out in Clapham North for my housemates birthday, which was really fun. We drank cocktails, we danced and I made friends with the DJ who was pretty hot. This meant we got all of our song requests played, and we sang at the top of our voices for the majority of the night. We also attempted to dance like Beyonce, but failed miserably.

Aimee and I (after a few too many cocktails) decided to show off our best pulling tactic. Unfortunately it wasn't effective. See below:

However, I do have a date next week...I met him at Lovebox on Friday and he's a really nice guy. Well he bought me and my friends bottles of water when we were thirsty and that always gives a guy brownie points anyway. He also wasn't put off when I sent him a pic of myself downing a pint of Guinness last night, which I weirdly drank faster than my two Irish guy friends...I think I need lessons on being more ladylike.

Anyway, I'm off to gargle some salt water.

Night x