Rule No.86: Don't ever announce that your fingers smell like fish on a busy train

It's been a while. I'm sorry. However, you'll be glad to know I have just ordered myself a new laptop so I'll be back to my usual blogging self soon. And it only cost me £1,288...vom.

The past eight days have been rather busy. Starting with a weekend in Liverpool, three days on a shoot in Marbella and then a trip back to Coventry to see my friends and family this weekend. I feel like I don't know what my London flat looks like anymore. However, that will soon change when I get home tonight, I won't be going anywhere for at least a month. Unless you count going to work and Waitrose.

Liverpool was bloody hilarious. When five girls similar to 'The Inbetweeners' characters come together for one weekend it results in a lot of laughter. One of the most awkward moments for me particularly was when I decided to buy prawn crackers for the train journey, which not only made the whole carriage stink of fish, but made the girls heave slightly. I then announced "ergh my fingers stink of fish". The men behind me on the train looked horrified and so did my friends. No matter how many times I tried to explain it was because of the prawn crackers they wouldn't let it go. I'm now called fishy fingers. 

Whilst on the train we also decided what type of facial hair we'd have if we were men. These were the results:

Obviously we weren't implying Emma was actually like Hitler. And I am definitely not as smooth as Craig David, but I think they so suit us well. 

When in Liverpool we found this 'quality' student accommodation by Liverpool Lime Street Station.

I think the advertiser should learn what the word 'quality' means. He also deserves to be kicked in the shins for his false advertising. I feel sorry for any student that ends up here. RIP.

We also found these flowers, because obviously on St Patrick's day everyone wants to receive green flowers.

Supermarkets will try to sell anything these days. Next they'll be promoting parsley as 'perfect for St Patricks day' just because it happens to be green. Some daft folk will buy it though. This is, after all, the nation that causes a cardigan to sell out in 24 hours because Mary Berry wore it on The British Bake Off.   

On the way back to London we read this wonderful story: 

There's many words to describe this man, but 'SEXC' does not come to mind. I think I've been put off chicken for life and I never thought that would happen. Well actually it hasn't because I had chicken earlier, but you get my point. 

On a much less disgusting note, Marbella was brilliant and the shoot for Red looks incredible. Here's a behind the scenes pic: 

Anyway, it's back to normal work life tomorrow. Hope you all had fantastic weekends. 

X 

Rule No.85: A 'man ban' does quite the opposite

I'm going to begin with showing you something we all need to start doing more often. 

Telling people you love them and brightening up their day is a WONDERFUL thing to do. I'll be honest though, I'm terrible at it. You can see from my last message to Fern how horrendous I am at texting... "Lol xx" doesn't even count as a text message, surely? I'm surprised people still hang out with me. 

The last thing I want to do after work is communicate with people though, I just become a socially awkward potato. I like to lie on my bed and listen to Lion King and occasionally stumble to the kitchen to get food. And don't even get me started on mornings, I look like a cave woman, sound like a man with a cold and I act like a teenager that has just been grounded for the first time. However, making the effort to write a message to someone and spread the love is a great thing to do, so maybe we should start doing it?! We could call it the 'Learn from Fern' campaign.

Anyway, it's now time for an announcement. 

The zoo guy...you know...the guy who I called a chav when I first bumped into him in a bar, then he took me on a date to London Zoo? Well he is now officially my boyfriend. 

I have a boyfriend. 

That's right...

I HAVE A BOYFRIEND. 

This is proof that there's hope for us all. This is also proof that when you're not looking you're more likely to find someone. I was on a serious man ban when I met him. Therefore, it's a good job I don't stick to most of my bans. Hence why I didn't give anything up for lent.

I will also announce that I am going to Marbella on Monday. Although, it's only for two nights so it's not a massively long holiday. In fact, it's not a holiday at all as I will be on a shoot for Red magazine so I'll be working. Therefore, I'm basically not sure why I'm announcing this. 

Obviously I'm not sticking to the no carbs before marbs rule either. Especially as I had frankfurter potato salad for lunch yesterday #germanheaven and tofu Chow Mein for dinner last night. And I would say the no carbs before marbs started today, but I had left over Chow Mein for lunch and I'm about to go out for sushi with Aimee. 

I'm going to stop my weirdo rambling now and I think you've probably had enough announcements for one day. Although, unfortunately we'll also have to mourn the death of my MacBook. After eight loyal years it has passed away. This is a very sad and frustrating situation. Yet, it means I can get a new one without feeling guilty. 

OK that's the end of my announcements. 

Well actually I have one more. 

Sorry I lied, I don't. And I couldn't think of anything that was remotely 'announcement like' except for the fact my plant died, but I didn't think this would interest you.

Bye.

x