Rule No.89: Don't tell a girl that she has a big bum. Especially in public.

I'm going to Scotland tonight with my boyfriend. Eek.

Five nights together is quite a lot (isn't it?), but for once in my life I'm not thinking "oh god, we're bound to fall out", or "what if we get bored or fed up of each other?" I genuinely cannot wait to spend five days with him, and with no work, etc.

Oh god, I'm getting all loved up and pathetic.

SLAP ME.

Let's change the subject...

Yesterday I got given two creme eggs at work. Every year a guy comes round the office to give us one creme egg each. And this year he accidentally walked past me without giving me one, so me being 'miss big mouth' shouted, "EASTER BUNNY YOU FORGOT ME!!"

"Sorry love, you can take two" 

That's right, I GOT TWO EGGS! I therefore changed my Facebook status to the following, as I did feel there was a little bit of harmless flirting involved... 

It's funny how such a simple thing can get so many likes...I think it's because people can relate to it. Everyone likes the surprise of getting something extra, or winning something. I still think I'll win the lottery every time I buy a lucky dip.

I think we need to realise that we're all very much alike a little more often. Just like when people say "I'm not very good at doing that..." Well, you're not the only one that's not very good at doing that, there will be lots of people exactly the same as you. Even if you do think you're the only one. For example, how many people knew you could do all of these things with your iPhone? I bet very few.  

I've come to conclusion now that I am not musical. I can't even play the triangle (do you even 'play' triangles?). I'm just not that way inclined, but then there's things I can do that people who play in an orchestra can't. I don't know what, but I'm sure there are things...

Anyway, I hope you have an amazing Easter. Think of me eating haggis and drinking whiskey. 

Oh and by the way, I'm guessing when a removals guy shouts "baby got back", it isn't a good thing? Then again, I suppose the song does go "I like big butts..." so maybe he liked my bum?!? Nevertheless, it wasn't the greatest compliment. And the worst thing about this is, my boyfriend turned up to my house half an hour later and said "I just saw a guy I used to play football with. He was moving in some furniture for the house next door" That's right, it was the same guy. Typical.

I am actually going to leave you this time. And I'll leave you with a picture of the dog I am currently obsessed with. A Chow Chow.

It's SO CUTE. You can also dye the hair so it looks like a panda.

It probably is a bit cruel...let's be honest...

x

Rule No.88: Don't serenade someone when you sound like a tone deaf baboon

Today I attempted to make my own juice for breakfast. This resulted in me sitting at my desk forcing bright green lumpy slush down my throat, whilst trying not to choke on small chunks of celery. 

What I have mainly learnt from this is that you need to make sure you've blended the juice enough before drinking it. Secondly, there's a reason people use a juicer and not a blender to make juice (the hint is in the name). However, I'm not going to give up as I have a fridge full of vegetables so I'm going to have the joyful task of sieving it tomorrow morning...

I must say the cucumber, celery, kale and apple concoction wasn't too bad. Even if the reactions from my colleagues when they saw it were "ergh, what is that green slime?","are you actually drinking that?", and my favourite, "it looks like liquidised bogeys". 

You wait, tomorrow they'll be jealous of my new sieved creation. 

Anyway, I have news from this weekend... after drinking a pint of bitter, two white wines and three cocktails at my friend, Suze's, birthday drinks on Saturday, I ended up telling my boyfriend that I loved him (we had previously gone as far as 'I really like you'). It was far from romantic. We were stood outside Londis on Clapham High Street and I was talking about the fact he gets on so well with my friends, and I blurted out, "see that's why I love you". I then realised what I had said and went on to say, "Oh wait, I just said that I loved you... I do though'. 

Luckily, after a pause that felt like the most embarrassing eternity, he said it back. And then he said it again on Sunday morning. And then he said it again today. Therefore, I don't think I need to feel embarrassed anymore. Except for the fact I sang the Moulin Rouge version of 'Your Song' to him last night. This time I wasn't drunk. I think I mainly did it because I wanted to make up for the unromantic Londis situation. I think it worked, although he did screw up his face when I attempted to sing the higher notes.

I got a sympathetic round of applause though.

In other news, I have found the best website for anyone that loves dogs but hasn't got a dog of their own. Of course I have a profile.Well actually that's a lie, my housemate has a profile. That way she has the responsibility of looking after the dog and I can just stroke it. Perfect.

Www.borrowmydoggy.com

Bye x

Rule No.87: Don't laugh at random people's children when you're not supposed to

Yesterday I got told I looked tired and pale. Obviously this filled me with joy as these are two words every woman wants to hear before they leave the office to meet a friend for drinks. Yet, my colleague was right. Therefore, it was a good excuse to drink two glasses of red wine to bring the colour back to my cheeks. And because I like wine. A lot.

I enjoyed myself.

The wine didn't exactly help with the tiredness though, and as soon as I got home I passed out on the sofa, which let's be honest is never the most ideal place to sleep.

This is why I've still been rubbish at blog posting, despite getting my new laptop. Work is just so busy at the moment, which is actually a great thing, but it just means I don't have much spare time or energy to write. I promise I'm not ignoring you, and it's nothing to do with the fact I have a boyfriend. Although, I must admit it's weird not writing stories about weirdo guys, dates, Tinder, etc.

Although, there are still a lot of strange people about...

For example, this rather possessed-like two year old girl kept screaming horrificly loud on the tube yesterday. Then she would look ridiculously innocent each time she stopped as if she hadn't done anything wrong. She repeatedly did this for a good five minutes, 'scream, innocent face, scream, innocent face' (it felt like eternity). Her scream was horrendous as well, it was as if someone had just told her there were monsters under her bed and they were going to eat her. And her teddy bear.

I couldn't help myself, after trying to do the typical London commuter thing and ignore it or tut, I just looked at her and burst out laughing. She then stopped screaming and looked at me like I was an alien. An odd looking alien, not a scary one. Luckily her mum was oblivious to everything and so I didn't get told off for laughing at her daughter. It's probably not the best thing to do when someones child is screaming. But at least I inadvertently stopped her from screaming and I'm pretty sure the commuters appreciated it. Although, obviously no one talked because that would just be 'weird'... No one talks on the tube, it's against the tube rules. 

A couple of hours after this I was walking through Clapham Junction station after meeting my friend Vicki for food, when a man walked past us and rather loudly burped right by our faces. He didn't have a single ounce of emotion on his face after he did this. It was as if he'd just yawned and I'm pretty sure he wasn't drunk either. Obviously, Vicki and I burst out laughing because even though it was pretty disgusting it was bloody funny.

Then, on the tube home I witnessed a girl on crutches, and her leg was in a strappy cast type thing. She was standing up whilst her friend with normal working legs sat down. This confused me. Why does her friend deserve a seat when her legs are working and her friend is there trying to balance on her crutches in a moving tube carriage? The only thing I could think of was that her friend was a bitch. I think I was right.

Anyway, I thought I'd share a video with you as it is pretty cool. I went to a Robinson's Squash'd press event last week, and the maker of Gravity was there as he has designed a short film for Robinson's. It was shot in a Zero G plane that goes so high and drops so fast there is no gravity for 20 seconds. They only had 12 attempts to shoot the video and they managed to capture it on their last take...
Watch it here

Oh, and this is me on the cool cow sofas in the cinema after a couple of red wines...

I thought I looked like this at the time:

Bye x