Rule No.59: Want to attract guys? Get a night guard.

I'm currently sitting in Heathrow airport, ready to get on a plane to North Carolina (with a short stop in NYC). I'm so unbelievably excited. Don't worry I'll be posting many American style blogs whilst I'm over there. Mainly ones with me stuffing my face with bagels, cinnamon buns, peanut butter and corn dogs. 

Not too much has happened since my last blog post to be honest, but I did have my fire poi show on Monday night. 

Here's the bridge we do the show under. I always feel like we look like thugs. 

Once again I got pretty drunk so that I was calmer when throwing the fire around. I hit myself on the head twice and I didn't even care. Alcohol is the way forward. And slightly dangerous...

My friend Aimee came to watch the show, as well as Emma, Jazz, Heather and Lucy (I felt pretty popular). Aimee emailed me the next day with the words "I loved the show last night, I liked watching you wiggle." 

What a strange girl. It made me LOL at my desk though. 

Going back to alcohol...after my large consumption on Monday night it allowed me to sleep through the night without panicking about the mice. Since I'm the only one in my house that has actually seen the mice at night, I'm starting to wonder whether my snoring has the pied piper effect. 

I do genuinely think I might need to see a hypnotist though. I need to stop being so afraid of finding mice in my room. I don't even think I have them anymore, but even the slightest sound of the wind outside and I jump out of bed. I saw a fly yesterday and screamed. A bloody fly. 

I'm about to board the plane so I'm going to leave you with images of my new night guard. It's to help stop me grinding my teeth at night as apparently my jaw likes to do that. 

I don't want to end up with stumps instead my normal sized gnashers. 

What a sexy beast. 

P.S. I don't know why my mouth looks ridiculously wonky. 

Come and get me boys. 

X 

Rule No.58: Don't wear floaty dresses on the tube

It's Sunday, the day of rest.

Today was not a restful day.

After consuming a rather large amount of wine and gin last night I woke up this morning with a slight hangover. However, after some beans on toast and a cup of tea (I shouted for Heather to make me the tea and she surprisingly did...maybe I should save my voice next time and buy a bell to ring). 

I showered, tidied my room, put a wash on, tidied the kitchen and then swept up all of the leaves in my front garden. Then, I went to WHSmiths to buy wrapping paper, THEN to Waitrose to buy chocolate to take to my friend Sara's house as her boyfriend was making me a Sunday roast (well not just me, but I like to feel special). I presumed you should buy people a gift when they're providing dinner? Chocolate is always a good gift. Unless you're diabetic or on a diet of course, then it's a terrible gift. 

Check out the amazing roast, it was so incredible I think I'll be dreaming about it for weeks.

The picture doesn't do it justice.

The company was pretty damn good. 

What a cheerful bunch.

The below photo from Saturday night isn't so nice though...apparently gin makes you think you look a lot better than you do. I mean, why did we think this was a good idea?

I AM POUTING whilst everyone else is just looking at my phone.

Oh dear.

Anyway, instead of blabbering on I thought I would give you a little list of news:

• Pedro never got in touch. I don't really get this as he was so persistent to get my number. Men are weird.
• Someone stopped and asked me on Oxford Street if I would like to enrol on a course to learn English. I must look even more foreign than I thought.
• I wore a floaty (maternity style) dress on Wednesday and was then paranoid on the tube that people would think I was pregnant. I prayed all the way to Oxford Circus that someone wouldn't offer me a seat. My prayers worked, but I was a paranoid Pamela the whole journey. 
• It is never a good idea to drink an espresso martini to pass the time while your glass of Prosecco is being poured. I learnt the hard way.
• When you're at a cool party (the Schuh launch party to be precise) don't chase the waiter serving slices of pizza, just act cool and wait for him to offer you a slice. Otherwise you'll end up looking like a tit when you finally get to him and realise he's run out. Like running for the bus and missing it, but worse because you look like a massive pig. Not that this happened to me of course. 

My next blog post is probably going to be from North Carolina as I'm going over to visit my brother, sister in law, nephew and my new niece on Wednesday!

There's a lot about the trip I am excited about. For example, I can't wait for plane food. 

Night x

Rule No.57: Mice are stalkers

Im currently at Aimee's pad taking some time out from the mouse that has decided to have a permanent sleepover (uninvited) at my house. 

Monday night was a particularly miserable evening. I'd had two glasses of red wine during my fire poi lesson (it helps calm me down when I'm throwing fire...probably a little dangerous, but I am basically Batman now). When I got home I had a shower to wash all of the paraffin off, and I then passed out in my bed. However, after sleeping like a princess (the ogre version) for a number of hours I was woken up at 3am by the wonderful sound of a mouse rustling around in a plastic bag. 

What I really don't understand about this situation is that I had shoes in the plastic bag, SHOES!!! The stupid mouse, why did it feel the need to wake me up just so it could get to my SHOES. They're not made of chocolate and mice do not wear shoes.

Anyway, I thought I'd just go and sleep on the sofa instead of causing a fuss by waking my housemates up. So, I stumbled and grumbled to the sofa, closed the door and turned off the light. Two minutes later I could hear the mouse squeezing through the tiny gap between the door and the carpet.

The bloody knob head FOLLOWED me into the lounge. 

That was the final straw. I had to wake one of my housemates up. I got my elephant (my 'teddy bear') and slept in Heather's bed. I instantly felt safer knowing I had both my elephant and Heather to protect me. However, the mouse still followed me in my mind as I then kept having horrible dreams about it. 

And, this is why I'm currently here at Aimee's house. 

I woke up this morning, packed my overnight bag and went to work feeling instantly happier that I could escape theknob head  for a night. 

It wasn't until midday that I actually asked Aimee if I could stay over (I knew she'd let me). Therefore, when I met her after work she was a little confused to how I had an overnight bag already packed... 'Gina, did you pack before asking me?' 

Busted.

We both just looked at each other and burst out laughing. 

That is true friendship. 

I'm going to leave you with a photo of my wannabe husband. 

 

Good night from me and my pal Aimee x

 

Ignore Aimee, she has just fake tanned...there is no excuse for me on the other hand.

Rule No.56: Don't chat to a guy outside the door to the toilets

I am currently watching Grease, eating Phad Thai and loving life.

I shouldn't be though, I got home at 9am this morning after staying up all night at a house party. Since when did my life become an episode of Skins? (well, not quite).

Hayley, Aimee and I decided to have a girlie night out, which started at the Hoxton Bar and Grill in Shoreditch. However, when the lights came on a 2am we didn't want to go home so we went to the Dolphin in Hackney. This is where we met some Brazilian men who invited us to a house party and we had a bit of a 'YOLO' moment. We left the Dolphin at 5am and went to the house party, we drank Brazilian alcohol, learnt to dance the samba and I did a poi show using socks. It wasn't until 8am that we decided we should probably go home and sleep.

Before the night began:

Our stamps from the Dolphin:

Some of our new Brazilian friends:

Luckily I was drinking water from 7am so I feel fine today! I also slept until 3pm... I genuinely think we've made some new friends, we've even been invited to stay with them in Rio during the world cup (not that this will actually happen). I've also exchanged numbers with a guy called Pedro. You know how much I like a foreign man...

In other news, I HAVE MICE. Not the cute kind in a glass cage either, the unwanted kind that wees and poos all over your house.

I have slept on the sofa since Tuesday after discovering mouse poo next to my pillow. I saw it, looked at it and exclaimed "ARE YOU F*CKING JOKING". I nearly cried. This was the first time I realised I had mice. However, I've put three mouse traps down and nothing has happened, I haven't seen or heard anything these past few days either. Therefore, I'm going to pick up the courage to sleep in my own bed tonight. Don't worry I've washed my bed sheets!

Just to clear things up...my house is very clean. Unfortunately, having mice in London is extremely common.

Anyway, as I haven't blogged for a while I thought I'd create a list of my weekly highlights and low lights.

Highlights:
1) I went to see Foxes play at the Google HQ. She's really good! The Google offices made me green with envy though, there's also a lot of good looking men there. I'm starting to think that I should start hanging around outside the offices
2) My friend Christian and I went to the photography exhibition at the Natural History Museum. It was so GOOD!!
3) I ate an amazing cupcake
4) My friend Hayley bought me a beautiful bracelet as a belated birthday present
5) I didn't burn myself in my fire poi class on Monday
6) I've consumed a lot of Baileys

Low lights:
1) Discovering mice, OBVIOUSLY
2) Getting screamed at on the tube by a guy wearing a scary clown mask (he was trying to scare me)
3) Being freaked out when stopped and asked to take a photograph for a skeleton on Oxford Street (Halloween outfit)
4) Sleeping on the sofa
5) Chatting to a guy on Thursday night while I was waiting for the toilet and my friend shouting 'Gina don't make it smell in there'

Overall, this week has been pretty good.

Good night people. x

Rule No.55: Don't hang out with dogs at house parties. You are not a dog, you are human.

I'm on a train again. This time I'm going back to London and this time I'm in FIRST CLASS. I have so far had a  free sandwich, a packet of crisps, two coffees, a rocky road and I am sat next to Katie Piper. I might have to do this more often. 

Leeds was a fun weekend (I was actually staying in Ackworth, but it's easier to say Leeds). Although, I couldn't have been more like Bridget Jones if I tried. I spent Friday night watching tv with Jo and her boyfriend Gareth. We ate pizza and scoffed the chocolate that was supposed to be given to trick or treaters next week. 

Then on Saturday I went wedding and bridesmaid dress shopping in York with Jo and her sister. Despite the fact I'm not going to be a bride (ever probably) or a bridesmaid. I did get to drink free champagne and cocktails though. I enjoyed myself. 

Saturday night I went to Gareth's family's Halloween party. Everyone was either married, in a relationship or under the age of 21 so there was no pulling potential. Sorry to disappoint. 

The party was eventful. We were all very drunk, I consumed my bottle of gin by 8pm and then told Gareth's dad (two minutes after being introduced) that I was bound to make a tit out of myself. An hour later I was lying on the floor of the kitchen feeding the two Labradors apple pie. Apparently everyone really liked me though. 

I remember Gareth's uncle bench pressing me at one point. My back feels a little bruised today. 

This was my favourite Halloween costume of the night. 

I on other hand went as something really original... 

Not.

I think I'd quite like to be a goth now. A tanned one.

Also, just because I like being really kind to my friends, here's a photo of Jo. She was like this most of the day today whilst I caught up on Xfactor and watched Family Guy. 

Great hostess she was...

When Jo finally woke up we discussed how many celebs people seem to think I look like. The newest one being Luke Friend from XFactor. 

I thought I'd create a visual list for you, so here we go: 

Ok, so the duck isn't a celeb.

The only celeb/animal I probably don't understand is David Mitchell. The rest I can kind of see...

I realised today that I haven't told you something. I've been on Guardian Soulmates for a week now. I decided (after consuming a lot of baileys) that I would trial it for a month. Not really sure why, but I think I'm addicted to testing dating websites. Not that I ever use them properly. 

So far it hasn't been great...I haven't wanted to reply to any of the messages I have received and the guys I have messaged haven't replied (I'm hoping they don't use their profile any more or have become dinosaurs). Although, I don't really blame them for not replying as my messages are never great. For example, 'Nice dog'. 

Yes, that's all I wrote. I thought it was a good idea at the time. 

I'll keep you updated. 

X 

Rule No.54: Always sit next to someone wearing headphones

I've just woken up. 

I'm currently on a train to Leeds... and about two hours ago I consumed half a bottle of Prosecco. On a Friday afternoon this makes you very tired, well it made me tired anyway. I'm glad the man sitting next to me is wearing headphones as I was bound to be snoring. I mean, I snore anyway, but when I'm a little drunk I sound like a lawn mower (my housemate at uni thought the sound was a lawn mower outside once). 

I understand this makes me sound extremely unattractive. 

I've been meaning to say this for a while now, I'm really sorry I don't blog as much as I used to. I really wish I could, but I don't get home until at least 9pm most nights and it's very difficult to find time when I get home. I'm only getting six hours sleep as it is. I still love you though so please don't take it personally. 

This week I have consumed a lot of steak. Well only one steak, but it was big and usually I'm a pescatarian (except for chicken and sausages). 

I went to the Dean Street Townhouse for dinner on Tuesday night with a client. It's a bit of a gentleman's club and there are often some kind of celebs in there. It has really nice food (extremely good scotch eggs). However, I think because of all the men in there, I became a man. I had a whiskey and ginger for my drink, scallops for starter (not so manly) and a massive ribeye for main. The knife they gave me to cut it with was like a butchers knife. I felt both masculine and powerful. And I didn't have dessert!! I always have dessert. 

Wednesday night I went to see Jake Bugg at Brixton Academy. He was so good, it's rare an artist sounds exactly like they do on their album when they're live. He was one of those rarities.

The only problem was that throughout his whole performance two REALLY LOUD Scottish girls decided to chat about their day. Why they couldn't wait until after the gig I do not know. They were discussing Katie Price, work, boys...all sorts. I nearly had to turn round and tell them to shut up, but I hate being that person. Even though I'm sure people would have appreciated it, I would have felt like a moaning old woman. 

I did feel like I had really aged at the gig though. I would have always pushed to the front and faced being crushed, covered in sweat and getting my feet trod on when I was younger. Just so I could get a little closer to the stage. I now enjoy standing nearer the back (towards the side) so I can watch without any pushing. Soon I'll be bringing my own armchair to sit on. 

In other news, my friend Christian has bought me a ticket for the photography exhibition I wanted to go to (mentioned in my last blog post). Therefore, I'm going next week! What an amazing guy. He also knows me too well... he had to ask if 11.30am was too early for us to go, which proves our friendship. 

I'll be honest, it is pretty early for a Saturday. 

However, I'm going to make the effort to actually get out of my onesie and leave the house next weekend.

Right, I'm about to arrive in Leeds. 

Have a lovely weekend! 

P.S. I heard an announcement at Kings Cross earlier "unattended bags will be destroyed or buried by transport services". 

Are they dogs??

P.P.S. I know I haven't used any images so here's a photo of my headphone, which got stuck in my hair yesterday. 

Rule No.53: Don't take photos after drinking a bottle of wine

First of all, why was this one of the main stories on the Metro website on Thursday?

I had the same thing happen to me when I was eight and I didn't even make it into the dentist magazine...

I was actually supposed to be in the magazine, but my mum didn't realise I couldn't eat on the day of my operation so it had to be rescheduled, and someone else was featured instead. It was a very disappointing day for my family. I'm pretty sure the article would have been framed on the wall of my parents dining room.

One of the main highlights this week has been going for lunch at Sushi Samba. I went on Friday with a client, which was absolutely incredible. This is despite the fact my client tried to set me up with the French waiter - so embarrassing. She told him that I'd show him round London as he had only recently moved from France... he just smiled sweetly and nodded. He definitely wasn't tempted to accept the offer. Not that I blame him, we were all so drunk he probably thought I was Vicky Pollard.

This however, was the incredible view from the restaurant:

I then went to see London Grammar in Brixton. OMFG they were amazing, Hannah's voice is incredible live. I WANT TO SEE THEM AGAIN ALREADY.

I know this photo is terrible, it's hard to take a good snap after drinking three cocktails and a bottle of wine.

The rest of the weekend consisted of watching Gogglebox, X Factor, Educating Yorkshire, Surprise Surprise, Downtown Abbey, Strictly Come Dancing, Wonders of the Solar System and Come Dine With Me. I only cried whilst watching Surprise Surprise and Downtown Abbey so I thought I did quite well. I feel like the older I get the more I cry when watching TV. The all time low was when I cried watching Trinny and Susannah. 

I was going to attempt to leave the house today and venture to the Natural History Museum. They have a new wildlife photography exhibition on at the moment (I know, I surprisingly sound quite cultured), but it then started raining rather heavily so I took it as a sign that I should just stay inside, and carry on drinking tea and eating Maryland Cookies. So I did, and I enjoyed myself.

Tomorrow evening I'm starting my new Fire Poi choreography course. I'll be honest, it is slightly concerning me as my singed hair has only just started growing back from last time...it won't be long until I'll be wearing a wig. 

I'm prepared to take the risk. 

Good night x

P.S. I found out who Max was ('Rule No.51'). He randomly called me last night and he actually sounded like a nice chap until he told me he was 21. Damn it. No thanks Max...