Rule No.62: Just because it's fluffy it doesn't make it OK

It's my last night.

NOOO! I don't want to go home.

That is supposed to be my crying face, but the dog got in the way. 

My dad is also crying. 

Well, he's actually yawning, but it looks like he's crying...

Today we went to the mall. I could have spent thousands of dollars, but instead I was a massive granny. I bought a towel and a jumper. Who goes to America and buys a towel? 

It was just so fluffy and I liked the shade of pink. Plus, it was $7, bargain! 

I nearly bought a Martha Stewart throw too, which was on offer. However, I stopped myself before my false teeth fell out.

The ice hockey game last night was a lot of fun. To get into the spirit I borrowed my sister in laws 'Carolina Hurricanes' hat, bought a foam finger and I bought a pumpkin beer. It was great, despite our team losing. 

The pumpkin beer was tasty though. I think it was pretty strong as I kept getting the giggles. Either that or pumpkin gives you the giggles (slightly ironic for Halloween). 

I also went to the zoo yesterday and I had my first ever circus experience today. I now want to be an acrobat. I might start with the less risky moves, like hula hooping. Then I'll go on to the trapeze. 

In other news, one of the guys from Tinder added me on Facebook the other day and we've been chatting. He asked me if the word 'oi' means yes. Can you believe Americans don't use 'oi'? I'm pretty sure I use the word at least once an hour. Weird. 

On that note, I'm going to leave you with some top American facts (mainly food related). Most are actually my personal opinion:

1) Cook-Out has the best milkshakes

2) Blue Moon is the best beer 

3) Traders Joes has the best New York style cheesecake 

4) The postman drives to each house and puts the post in the mail box through his van window. Therefore, the drivers seat is on the right hand side

5) Americans don't understand the English accent when you ask for a glass of water 

6) Around autumn everything seems to be pumpkin flavour, and around Christmas everything turns to peppermint 

There's plenty more, but I'm tired and can't think. 

Good night and speak to you when I'm back in England! 

P.S. Can you believe how good I have been at looking after babies? Who would have thought it. 

I'm like a mix of Dr Dolittle and Mary Poppins. 

Not quite. 

X 

Rule No.61: Always check your outfit in the mirror before you leave the house

I'm currently sitting here with my new mates trying to forget the fact I have a hangover. 

The problem with sleeping on the sofa is at 8am every morning I get woken up by a tongue licking my face. 

Just to make this clear, it's a dog tongue. 

I'm not sure why I felt the need to make that clear.  

Yesterday was an amazing day. It was Tom and Susanna's wedding, which was in a beautiful barn in Chapel Hill, North Carolina. Everything about the day was perfect. The ceremony was beautiful and everyone cried (including me), the speeches were brilliantly funny, the music was amazing (Mumford and Sons, The Lumineers, Temptations) and the cake was UNBELIEVABLE. 

The problem with weddings is that they make you realise how single you actually are. For example, the table plan: 

Also, when the slow songs are played and the DJ announces "please can all of the couples come to the dance floor for this song" you get left at the edge of the dance floor drinking wine and smiling (deep down wanting to push all of the couples over).  However, I was soon back on the dance floor when Twist and Shout came on. 

One of the funniest moments of the day must have been during the exchanging of the vows when my two year old nephew, Luke suddenly farted. It was so loud and he just sat there like nothing had happened. Oh the shame. 

But seriously, what a beautiful setting. 

And the reception: 

After eating carbs for breakfast and lunch I made sure I wore my trusted pants to attempt to make my belly look flat. 

It only occurred to me after the wedding ceremony that the slit at the back of my dress actually revealed these sexy pants. Not the best thing for people to notice. This added to the fact that I forgot to zip my dress to the very top so I was walking round with my zip undone for most of the day.

What a mess. 

Anyway, I'm off to walk round the lakes to try to make my head feel better. 

Congratulations Mr and Mrs Haxell on such a wonderful day. 

Good bye x

P.S. I'm going to a hockey game tomorrow. I'm going to buy a corndog and a foam finger. 

Rule No.60: Don't trust dogs when taking selfies

I made it to North Carolina and I have finally met my new niece.

Her name is Rachel, not Simba. 

I am not a Mandrill either. 

So far I seem to have an addiction to taking yawning selfies. Although, my yawns are fake (I probably don't need to tell you this as it's rather obvious). 

However, this one went a little wrong as the dog tried to lick my face. 

Food wise, I have been pretty normal so far. I had weetabix for breakfast. Then again, I had pumpkin American pancakes for lunch. They were amazing. 

Obviously I have been on Tinder already, having a little hunt for hot American men. I have been talking to a doctor called Eric so far. I've noticed that the American Tinder profiles include a lot of pictures with dogs and a lot of fishing action shots. 

The flight was pretty good yesterday and I got to watch Monsters University, which I've wanted to watch for ages. It made me cry though, which was pretty awkward and slightly embarrassing. I didn't expect a cartoon about monsters to make me cry. 

It was weird yesterday as my parents actually told me to look after the boarding passes and passports. That's when you know you're grown up and trusted. Say that, I did just tell you I watched Monsters University on the plane.

Right, I'm off to go shopping. 

Catch up soon you guys (so American already). 

X 

Rule No.59: Want to attract guys? Get a night guard.

I'm currently sitting in Heathrow airport, ready to get on a plane to North Carolina (with a short stop in NYC). I'm so unbelievably excited. Don't worry I'll be posting many American style blogs whilst I'm over there. Mainly ones with me stuffing my face with bagels, cinnamon buns, peanut butter and corn dogs. 

Not too much has happened since my last blog post to be honest, but I did have my fire poi show on Monday night. 

Here's the bridge we do the show under. I always feel like we look like thugs. 

Once again I got pretty drunk so that I was calmer when throwing the fire around. I hit myself on the head twice and I didn't even care. Alcohol is the way forward. And slightly dangerous...

My friend Aimee came to watch the show, as well as Emma, Jazz, Heather and Lucy (I felt pretty popular). Aimee emailed me the next day with the words "I loved the show last night, I liked watching you wiggle." 

What a strange girl. It made me LOL at my desk though. 

Going back to alcohol...after my large consumption on Monday night it allowed me to sleep through the night without panicking about the mice. Since I'm the only one in my house that has actually seen the mice at night, I'm starting to wonder whether my snoring has the pied piper effect. 

I do genuinely think I might need to see a hypnotist though. I need to stop being so afraid of finding mice in my room. I don't even think I have them anymore, but even the slightest sound of the wind outside and I jump out of bed. I saw a fly yesterday and screamed. A bloody fly. 

I'm about to board the plane so I'm going to leave you with images of my new night guard. It's to help stop me grinding my teeth at night as apparently my jaw likes to do that. 

I don't want to end up with stumps instead my normal sized gnashers. 

What a sexy beast. 

P.S. I don't know why my mouth looks ridiculously wonky. 

Come and get me boys. 

X