Rule No.85: A 'man ban' does quite the opposite

I'm going to begin with showing you something we all need to start doing more often. 

Telling people you love them and brightening up their day is a WONDERFUL thing to do. I'll be honest though, I'm terrible at it. You can see from my last message to Fern how horrendous I am at texting... "Lol xx" doesn't even count as a text message, surely? I'm surprised people still hang out with me. 

The last thing I want to do after work is communicate with people though, I just become a socially awkward potato. I like to lie on my bed and listen to Lion King and occasionally stumble to the kitchen to get food. And don't even get me started on mornings, I look like a cave woman, sound like a man with a cold and I act like a teenager that has just been grounded for the first time. However, making the effort to write a message to someone and spread the love is a great thing to do, so maybe we should start doing it?! We could call it the 'Learn from Fern' campaign.

Anyway, it's now time for an announcement. 

The zoo guy...you know...the guy who I called a chav when I first bumped into him in a bar, then he took me on a date to London Zoo? Well he is now officially my boyfriend. 

I have a boyfriend. 

That's right...

I HAVE A BOYFRIEND. 

This is proof that there's hope for us all. This is also proof that when you're not looking you're more likely to find someone. I was on a serious man ban when I met him. Therefore, it's a good job I don't stick to most of my bans. Hence why I didn't give anything up for lent.

I will also announce that I am going to Marbella on Monday. Although, it's only for two nights so it's not a massively long holiday. In fact, it's not a holiday at all as I will be on a shoot for Red magazine so I'll be working. Therefore, I'm basically not sure why I'm announcing this. 

Obviously I'm not sticking to the no carbs before marbs rule either. Especially as I had frankfurter potato salad for lunch yesterday #germanheaven and tofu Chow Mein for dinner last night. And I would say the no carbs before marbs started today, but I had left over Chow Mein for lunch and I'm about to go out for sushi with Aimee. 

I'm going to stop my weirdo rambling now and I think you've probably had enough announcements for one day. Although, unfortunately we'll also have to mourn the death of my MacBook. After eight loyal years it has passed away. This is a very sad and frustrating situation. Yet, it means I can get a new one without feeling guilty. 

OK that's the end of my announcements. 

Well actually I have one more. 

Sorry I lied, I don't. And I couldn't think of anything that was remotely 'announcement like' except for the fact my plant died, but I didn't think this would interest you.

Bye.

x

Rule No.53: Don't take photos after drinking a bottle of wine

First of all, why was this one of the main stories on the Metro website on Thursday?

I had the same thing happen to me when I was eight and I didn't even make it into the dentist magazine...

I was actually supposed to be in the magazine, but my mum didn't realise I couldn't eat on the day of my operation so it had to be rescheduled, and someone else was featured instead. It was a very disappointing day for my family. I'm pretty sure the article would have been framed on the wall of my parents dining room.

One of the main highlights this week has been going for lunch at Sushi Samba. I went on Friday with a client, which was absolutely incredible. This is despite the fact my client tried to set me up with the French waiter - so embarrassing. She told him that I'd show him round London as he had only recently moved from France... he just smiled sweetly and nodded. He definitely wasn't tempted to accept the offer. Not that I blame him, we were all so drunk he probably thought I was Vicky Pollard.

This however, was the incredible view from the restaurant:

I then went to see London Grammar in Brixton. OMFG they were amazing, Hannah's voice is incredible live. I WANT TO SEE THEM AGAIN ALREADY.

I know this photo is terrible, it's hard to take a good snap after drinking three cocktails and a bottle of wine.

The rest of the weekend consisted of watching Gogglebox, X Factor, Educating Yorkshire, Surprise Surprise, Downtown Abbey, Strictly Come Dancing, Wonders of the Solar System and Come Dine With Me. I only cried whilst watching Surprise Surprise and Downtown Abbey so I thought I did quite well. I feel like the older I get the more I cry when watching TV. The all time low was when I cried watching Trinny and Susannah. 

I was going to attempt to leave the house today and venture to the Natural History Museum. They have a new wildlife photography exhibition on at the moment (I know, I surprisingly sound quite cultured), but it then started raining rather heavily so I took it as a sign that I should just stay inside, and carry on drinking tea and eating Maryland Cookies. So I did, and I enjoyed myself.

Tomorrow evening I'm starting my new Fire Poi choreography course. I'll be honest, it is slightly concerning me as my singed hair has only just started growing back from last time...it won't be long until I'll be wearing a wig. 

I'm prepared to take the risk. 

Good night x

P.S. I found out who Max was ('Rule No.51'). He randomly called me last night and he actually sounded like a nice chap until he told me he was 21. Damn it. No thanks Max...